It turned into the Virus that Left Me for Dead.
I don't know what it was, but I have only been THAT sick a few times in my life. (And one was when I had the measles. Which turned into pneumonia. Which may actually have been H1N1, but whatever.)
Right around the time the fever hit me, I decided I might be getting an infection in my neck incision. Maybe because I had been squirting stuff into it. There was a little part that hadn't closed up yet... like a wormhole into my soul. But in the wormhole, there was a big wad of surgical glue. I couldn't pull it out - it had become one with whatever was in there. I was trying to dissolve it with various compounds... nail polish remover, rubbing alcohol, olive oil, coconut oil, tea tree oil, motor oil. No luck. (Also? You can't actually see your neck, so performing home-based surgery on your own neck is especially challenging.) (Also? In all my internet searching, I didn't find a SINGLE hit where someone had a wormhole filled with surgical glue. These are uncharted waters, people.)
So I was relieved to discover that my fever was from the flu and not a giant pulsating coconut-based neck infection. As much as a person can be relieved when your bones have turned to shards of glass and you are unable to even take a deep breath without shudders of pain.
When I was finally able to talk and not moan, I called the surgeon's office. She told me to come in the next week because the glue needed to come out.
Sure enough, a few days later, she stuck a sharp, grabby thing into my wormhole and pulled out a giant piece of glue. Ripping open the incision in the process.
I should add, there was no anesthesiologist in the room. I'm trying not to faint even as I type.
Then she got out some sterile cutting implements and went to town, opening up part of the skin that had closed up over the glue. She yanked another big piece out of there with the grabby thing of torture.
Then they rubbed me down with alcohol (OMG) and I had to hold a piece of gauze on my neck to stop the bleeding.
(Lying down for a minute. I'll be right back.)
Ok.
Then? She stuck that camera up my nose again, just for good measure.
So I went from this
To this. Which is itchy and kind of hurty. But glue-free and probably not infected.
I'm going to call that winning.
That sounds awful. Yet, I'm laughing. You're a great storyteller, Sue. And if I ever need to perform neck surgery - I'm calling you.
ReplyDeleteMy MIL had this EXACT SAME SURGERY just last week. When we went to visit her in the hospital she kept holding up HER DRAIN TUBE and accompanying BOTTLE FULL OF NECK BLOOD.
ReplyDeleteMy children were equal parts fascinated and horrified.
But hey! She did not get the flu nor did she have to have glue removed with a grappling hook. SO YOU TOTALLY WIN at thyroid removal!
I cannot wait to see the search engine terms that people look for and then stumble across your blog from this post.
ReplyDeleteAnd that you had the energy to be so nice to me when you had JUST got over being sick yourself ? That is awesome.
Alcohol? Really? I thought that was a no-no anymore. For a while, the American Red Cross was saying in First Aid material to NOT use alcohol, because it could kill the surrounding skin tissue and cause additional problems. The Wilderness First Aid course I took last year said not to use alcohol because it did nothing, and that hydrogen peroxide could kill surrounding tissue.
ReplyDeleteGlad your okay though. I love the way you tell the story!
Ew. That story made me feel a little pukey, man. But! It's all better now, and the worst is over. So, good ending!
ReplyDeleteOkay, I cringed so much during this post that my laptop fell off my lap. I can't believe you had to go through that-- good luck with healing time number 2!!
ReplyDelete