Remember the Cough that Could Wake the Dead?
It turned into the Virus that Left Me for Dead.
I don't know what it was, but I have only been THAT sick a few times in my life. (And one was when I had the measles. Which turned into pneumonia. Which may actually have been H1N1, but whatever.)
Right around the time the fever hit me, I decided I might be getting an infection in my neck incision. Maybe because I had been squirting stuff into it. There was a little part that hadn't closed up yet... like a wormhole into my soul. But in the wormhole, there was a big wad of surgical glue. I couldn't pull it out - it had become one with whatever was in there. I was trying to dissolve it with various compounds... nail polish remover, rubbing alcohol, olive oil, coconut oil, tea tree oil, motor oil. No luck. (Also? You can't actually see your neck, so performing home-based surgery on your own neck is especially challenging.) (Also? In all my internet searching, I didn't find a SINGLE hit where someone had a wormhole filled with surgical glue. These are uncharted waters, people.)
So I was relieved to discover that my fever was from the flu and not a giant pulsating coconut-based neck infection. As much as a person can be relieved when your bones have turned to shards of glass and you are unable to even take a deep breath without shudders of pain.
When I was finally able to talk and not moan, I called the surgeon's office. She told me to come in the next week because the glue needed to come out.
Sure enough, a few days later, she stuck a sharp, grabby thing into my wormhole and pulled out a giant piece of glue. Ripping open the incision in the process.
I should add, there was no anesthesiologist in the room. I'm trying not to faint even as I type.
Then she got out some sterile cutting implements and went to town, opening up part of the skin that had closed up over the glue. She yanked another big piece out of there with the grabby thing of torture.
Then they rubbed me down with alcohol (OMG) and I had to hold a piece of gauze on my neck to stop the bleeding.
(Lying down for a minute. I'll be right back.)
Then? She stuck that camera up my nose again, just for good measure.
So I went from this
To this. Which is itchy and kind of hurty. But glue-free and probably not infected.
I'm going to call that winning.