i would not have been a good frontierwoman

The past few days have been filled with one sick kid (Cheer) and his various body fluids, fevers and doctor visits, now another sick kid (Shout) and croup and (ok, a little tiny Hallelujah for this) laryngitis. And a snow storm, a power outage and a bunch of locusts that came out of nowhere.

School was cancelled yesterday, even though the major part of the storm wasn't predicted to hit until 4pm. By 3:30, I was about to lose my mind. The kids were fighting, it was raining hard and Shout had gotten up at 5AM and was completely falling apart. (Little did I know, she was also getting sick...)

So I went to the liquor store.

Because what else should I do when a heavy, wet snowstorm is bearing down on me, I'm home with 4 grouchy kids, one of whom is sick, and there's no wine in the house? I didn't spend all those years in Girl Scouts for nothin', people! Preparedness is my middle name. (Pretty much.)

By the time I picked up 2 bottles of wine and headed back to my car, the rain had turned to snow and it was thundering. Thundersnow... great. 3:58PM. Great job, weather dudes.

And that's when I saw the locusts.

On the way back home, I stopped at CVS to buy eggs, in case we wanted to make cookies, which would go well with the wine and DuraFlame logs because a cozy fire would cap off my fantasy of a snowy evening sipping wine and eating cookies. (Yeah, I know. As IF.)

My car literally skidded home whereupon I called Laundry Dad (at 3:30PM) and told him to leave work and head for home. (He didn't listen to me, and we're still debating whether or not that was a smart move.)

He finally headed for home around 7PM and discovered that the roads were gridlocked and cars were skidding every which way. He ended up driving from DC to Virginia in order to get to Maryland, which if you know anything about this area, makes no sense whatsover. But somehow he made it home from work (which is about 10 miles away) in 2.5 hours. Apparently this was record time for yesterday because some people spent 9 hours in their cars to go the same distance.

Sometime during those 2.5 hours, the power went out. It was fun at first. We had a roaring DuraFlame fire (but no cookies) and we all cuddled up on the couch with blankets. Cheer experienced a miraculous recovery at the first sight of snow and got off the couch for the first time in 4 days to do his Happy Dance.

Laundry Dad finally got home, we piled every last blanket onto the beds and went to bed. When we woke up, we had a measly 4 inches of snow and still no power. So we went off to go sledding and I then realized that Shout was looking less than perky.

I brought her home, wrapped her in blankets (it was now 53 degrees in the house) and discovered her temperature was 101.5 and she had a barkey cough. Great. There was no way to steam her up in the bathroom because our water heater is electric. The other great option for croup is to take her outside into the cool air. Except the cool air was right inside our house and wasn't doing anything.

I wondered how many dirty looks I would get if I brought my sick kid to Starbucks to nebulize her. Then I found some (slightly) expired kids prednisone and debated giving her that, except I had no way to look up the correct dosage on the internet. Gah. I was pretty sure if I called the pediatrician, he would not think it was a good idea to give one kid a dose of expired prednisone prescribed for another kid.

(And this is really where mothers everywhere are nodding their heads. We've all been there, right?)

In the end, the power came back on this afternoon, I used albuterol in the nebulizer (which isn't nearly as effective as prednisone, but I'm hoping it will get us through the night). Our house is warm again. Laundry Dad and Tide are at hockey (which is never cancelled) and all the kids have napped today. (Which is probably not a good thing, but it's been 10 years since I could say THAT.)

I'm putting all my money on the groundhog. In a few days, he is going to pop out of that hole and NOT see a shadow and spring will immediately ...um... spring. (My very first blog post was about Groundhog Day. It's almost my 3 year blogoversary. Wow.)

Hope you all are warm and dry tonight.

once again, the internet saves the day

You know when your kid is doing something that worries you (like coughing like a smoker) or not doing something (like walking) and you finally decide to go to the pediatrician, and lo and behold, the cough disappears or she takes her first steps, right there in the waiting room?

Or maybe you write a blog post about how one of your kids is driving you to drink and then the next day, she is as sweet and charming as Shirley Temple.

So yeah.

THANK YOU for all your comments! I'm following up by email for those of you who have had similar experiences with your kids.

And I am going to take her for an OT evaluation, thanks to the ever-wise Rita. (Do you all read Rita? Ok, click right now and go read her. Don't stop until you get to a picture of Paige and her precious cheeks. I'll wait.....)

And I'm being firm but using lots of empowering, reflexive language. "Geez, honey. I bet it really hurts when your head spins in a complete circle like that."

When it comes right down to it, she's tough and she doesn't take any crap from anyone. (Not even me, unfortunately.) For a kid who will only be four foot something fully-grown, that is probably a characteristic I shouldn't squash. I just need to teach her how to be less impulsive about it. (And by "impulsive," I mean "violent.")

For every negative, there is a silver lining. (Perhaps I can see that since I'm writing on a Monday with a full week of school ahead of me instead of a Friday, with a whole weekend looming.)

Besides the OT, I have appointments lined up to talk to people. Her endocrinologist, her pediatrician, her geneticist. I'm getting her hearing checked (oh if only it was just that she couldn't HEAR me saying, "Stop rolling back and forth in the main aisle of Target. THIRTY people are staring at you.") But if she can't hear (which is something we have to keep an eye on), it could be discombobulating her in other ways. We'll see about the sleep study.

One way or another, we'll figure out as much as can be figured out. And then we'll go from there.

wegmans and coca-cola, two great things that go great together

Back before Christmas (I know it SEEMS like 5 months ago, but it was really only about 5 weeks ago) I was invited to a blogger event sponsored by Coca-Cola and Wegmans.

I've long HEARD about how amazing Wegmans grocery stores are, but I live in the Land of the Sucky Grocery Options, so I never really imagined I would shop in one. Then LO and BEHOLD, Wegmans opened a new store in November not far from me.

It opened to HUGE FANFARE and people stretched in a line around the building. (*ahem* Janel) I was curious, but couldn't find the time to get there and check it out.

So when I got the invitation to see the new store and hear about something new from Coca-Cola, I jumped at the chance. And let me just say, I'm all in favor of enhancing the grocery shopping experience. I love Trader Joes and Whole Foods, but, you know, they're GROCERY STORES. Cooler than the average, but still a place where I have to push a cart and spend hundreds of dollars on stuff that will be gone in 4 days. So I figured I'd LIKE Wegmans, you know, for a grocery store.

Can I just say? They should put a bench right inside the door of Wegmans. Because honest to God, I had to SIT DOWN when I first walked in there. First of all, it covers ACRES. There must have been 30 gleaming check-stands, and not a line in sight. Hardwood floors. And antique train running overhead in the dairy section. A bakery that looked like something tucked in a little alley in Paris. An olive bar with at least 20 different options. (Of olives! I know!!)



A "Complements" aisle with serving platters, linens, all kinds of gifts, including Playmobil and Melissa & Doug toys. And LE CREUSET bakeware. (I know, right?) I could have done all my Christmas shopping RIGHT IN THAT AISLE. (And if this gives you the impression that Wegmans is an expensive store, you are all wrong about that. Their prices for basic things like milk and bread are much better than what I usually pay at my local chain. Just think! You can save all that money and buy yourself a Le Creuset dutch oven!)




And did I even mention the prepared food? Indian, Chinese, Thai, sushi, Italian... I died and went to haus frau heaven!




If you live anywhere near me and have not been to Wegmans yet, GET THEE OVER YONDER!!! It is simply amazing.

Over in the restaurant part of the store (I KNOW! Did you READ THAT? A restaurant! In the store! Where you can eat your Indian food, or bazillions of other food options!) there is a machine that will blow your mind away.

I kid you not.

It's the iPhone of Coke machines. Or maybe the Keurig of Coke machines. It is the coolest freaking Coke machine ever. It's called the Freestyle. Look at it.



Don't you want to pet it? (It has a touch screen!)

It can make 106 different combinations of Coke products. 106! In this one little machine! You can get flavors you can't get anywhere else. Raspberry Coke, anyone? (Video here.) I sampled an existing product that I hadn't tried before... Cherry Coke Zero. It is CRACK ya'll. I drank 60 ounces of it, right there. (No exaggeration. I was up all night.) Since then, I've consumed quite a bit more, although none of it is quite as good as it was out of the Freestyle machine. The Freestyle makes the PERFECT drink, every single time. It's Pure Pour technology - mixed by computer right at the point where it shoots into your cup.

You know those fountain sodas where the fizz has run out and it's flat and syrupy? Or the syrup has run out and it's just fizz? Can't happen with a Freestyle. It even has wifi so it can do stuff like order it's own supplies.

They'll be rolling out Freestyle machines in various locations, but the closest one to me for now is at Wegmans. And now that I've had crack Cherry Coke Zero out of the Freestyle, sigh... nothing else really compares.




You can always spot bloggers by their cameras.

I also got to hang out with some of my favorite blogger chicks while we filled up on some of the delicious prepared food you can get at Wegmans (and I was drinking my 60 ounces of Cherry Coke Zero). We even got a cooking demo and recipe from one of the chefs.


That's poetry right there.




If you find yourself at Wegmans, check out the Freestyle machine and have a Coke. (And a smile.) And if you see an over-caffeinated woman petting the machine and carrying a tray of Indian food, feel free to join me. Her. You know.

Thank you, Wegmans and Coca-Cola!


The fine print: I attended the event as the guest of Coca-Cola and Wegmans. I received a gift bag and product samples. I ate yummy Wegmans food and drank 60 ounces of Cherry Coke Zero. All opinions expressed are completely my own.

these are the things i can do without

That's Shout in the middle. And yes, she has a shirt on. I have no idea why she has a bare belly in that picture.

It's that time of year again... when I have to start figuring out what to do with Shout next year. At least I know what school she's going to... I just have to figure out which grade.

She's made so much progress this year - it's actually astonishing. I was pretty committed to having a full neuropsych exam done on her. For anyone who's lucky enough not to know what that is, it's the testing they do to determine learning disabilities and differences. The results can be just amazing - a detailed picture of how your kid learns with strengths and weaknesses identified...

The catch is, it costs $4000.

So yeah, we're holding off on that - unless I find a way to get insurance to cover it.

Next week, we're having the 1st grade teacher test her as if she were going into 1st grade and see what happens with that.

She's also having some behavior problems. Ok, that may be the understatement of the year. Her behavior at home has been quite challenging for awhile now. It's only getting worse. She used to have mostly good behavior, punctuated by episodes of really bad behavior. Now it's the opposite. She's mostly a wreck all day long and every now and then, I see the charming little person she used to be.

I'll be honest, internet. It makes me dread waking up in the morning.

I feel like something is going on, but I can't figure out what. I am a true believer in the phrase "Kids do well when they CAN."* So what's going on with her that she can't keep it together?

I have realized she desperately needs STRUCTURE. Days when there is no school are especially bad. She is also not good at making TRANSITIONS. (They make her just go insane.) When she gets frustrated or angry, there's no levels of frustration, she's goes instantly from 0-60. (Where 60 = hitting, kicking, screaming, spitting, rolling around on the floor. It's getting her in lots of trouble, particularly in school.) And she obsesses about things. Tiny toys that we haven't seen in MONTHS or little pieces of things that she can't find. She frets and complains and perseverates about them. (That drives me to drink, I tell you.)

If she was 2, it would be totally age appropriate behavior. At 5, not so much. So is she just delayed in maturing, like she was delayed in most other areas? Does she have a psychological condition? Is this just her personality (God help me)? Is she a brat? (Trust me, I blame myself for this constantly.) Is it because she's the youngest of 4 and this is how she gets attention? Does she have some sort of sensory problem (I don't think so)? Even though she sleeps through the night about 50% of the time now, is she really SLEEPING when she's sleeping? Should I have a sleep study done?

I just don't know, internet.

But I worry that they will tell me that academically, she's ready for first grade (who would EVER have thought that?), but socially, not so much. If I put her in kindergarten again (which right now, is what I'm leaning toward), will her behavior be even worse if she's ahead of the class?

Almost every single expert that I've spoken to (educators, doctors, psychologists) have said to hold her back anyway. It will do her no harm, whereas sending her ahead may have implications down the road that I don't even know about. I agree. But for some reason, I have a big hang up about it.

It's not that I'm embarrassed about her needing an extra year. It doesn't really change anything financially for us. I think my hang up is that I wanted my kids to be close together in school. I just really like that idea. She and Cheer could be two years apart, instead of three. They might have common friends. They might go to college together.

It's stupid, right?

I think back to my own family. I have a brother who was two years behind me in school and I don't think we have ANY common friends. And yet, my brother who was SEVEN years ahead of me in school and I have a LOT of common friends.

Feel free to leave a comment to tell me to get over this stupid hang up. And I'll try to keep the School Stress posts to a minimum.

* This quote is from the book The Explosive Child, by Ross Greene, which is, I have to say, the book that has affected my parenting the most. If you HAVE an explosive child, I HIGHLY recommend it. Even if you don't, it's still a very good read. I've pulled out all my old parenting books to re-read them for ideas. It's actually been a really good experience brushing up on old skills. Here are some of my favorites. Any others you think I should read?

I even signed up for a parenting class. After 13 freaking years, I'm finally taking a class on how to do this. I'm confounded. (It's specifically for challenging children.)

groove

Remember a couple weeks ago when the bloom on the rose of Christmas vacation had faded? When the pine needles and scraps of wrapping paper and children fighting was all just too much?

And then there was that glorious day that school started up again and the chorus of angels sang? Except right before that, there was lots of screaming, because ho boy no one can get up on time after living like heathens for two weeks. And then, after school, suddenly MOUNTAINS of homework appeared out of thin air. Mid-term exams and a diorama and something with a cereal box that I still don't understand.

Not only were we back in the trenches, our trench was full of water and pestilence. There was hockey (for two kids now, because apparently we haven't spent all of our available cash on the one kid playing hockey), swimming, dance, basketball. A Christmas concert. (Because the original Christmas concert got snowed out. Nothing is quite so festive as Christmas carols on January 7th, amiright?)

I'm STILL trying to pack up the Christmas decorations (and honestly, I'm tempted to just pitch most of them because OMG.I.GIVE.UP.ALREADY). To aid in my quest to restore order, school was closed 2 hours early today so we could all sit home and wait for SIX HOURS for it to snow. My kids were out in the backyard with their preshus little faces turned up to the sky, tongues ready to catch the first flakes. FOR HOURS. They finally gave up when it got dark.

Which is when it finally started snowing. And sleeting. And freezing raining. Conveniently coninciding with me and 4 kids packed in a minivan with no traction, sliding toward the hockey rink. Apparently hockey is never cancelled due to weather. (I am so not cut out to be a hockey mom. Because seriously? An impending snowstorm is a cattle call for everyone to get into pajamas and climb into my bed with all the blankets and the remote and a giant plate of snickerdoodles and then see who gets kicked out for spilling their hot chocolate first. Shout Right?)

We are slowly getting back into our groove. Ok, I'm not sure I ever actually HAD a groove. But I'm actively looking for one. I'm also on an eating plan (it's not a diet, it's a lifestyle change) and I'm hoping to start Couch to 5K again this week.

So take THAT 2011. I'm even going to get my Christmas boxes put away this week.

help for breast cancer patients

There are some things that are so awesome, they give you chills. Today, one of those things is launching. I am so thrilled to share a project that I had a tiny hand in, but I was incredibly honored to watch it unfold.



Most of you know my friend, Susan (Whymommy) from Toddler Planet. She is an amazing woman for so many reasons, not the least of which she has used her social media power to advocate for and collaborate with other breast cancer patients, founding the Mothers with Cancer blog and working with the American Cancer Society, among other things. She read her very moving essay about "awareness campaigns" at BlogHer this August.

Susan wears lymphedema sleeves to keep her arms from swelling with lymphatic fluid which is a common side effect of breast cancer surgery. She was appalled to find out that many woman in her position don't HAVE lymphedema sleeves because they are (SHOCKINGLY) not usually covered by insurance and they are expensive.

She has created a connection between LympheDIVAs (who not only produce compression sleeves, but make them in rad patterns (see photo above) - just because a woman has to wear a medical sleeve doesn't mean she can't be fashionable!) and Crickett's Answer, a charity founded by a friend of mine and her family to honor her cousin who lost her own battle with breast cancer. Through their amazing generosity and hard work, lymphedema sleeves from LympheDIVAs are being made available to women who need them and can't afford them AT NO COST.

For the rest of the story, I'm cross-posting Susan's post from Toddler Planet and Mothers with Cancer.

Please share this story in the hopes that it might reach at least one woman in need. The whole project started with one forwarded email.

Cross-posted from Toddler Planet

Are you or do you know a breast cancer survivor? Please read today's post and pass it on. If you can't afford to purchase a lymphedema sleeve, gauntlet, and/or glove, and you can't manage your post-mastectomy swelling, Crickett's Answer and LympheDIVAs want to help.

Today, I am pleased to announce a NEW opportunity for breast cancer survivors who have had a mastectomy and/or axillary dissection of the lymph nodes due to breast cancer and have swelling of one or both arms but cannot afford the $200-$500+ cost for two sets of the compression sleeves and gauntlets that survivors with lymphedema must wear every day to keep the swelling in check.

Although lymphedema sleeves are medically necessary, they are not covered by Medicare OR most insurance plans under current law, and thousands of survivors go without the sleeves, needlessly suffering congestion, swelling, and pain that interferes with their normal activities.

Crickett's Answer, a 501(c)3 nonprofit organization founded in memory of Crickett Julius, has just joined forces with LympheDIVAs to help other breast cancer survivors who fight not just the beast that is breast cancer but also the fallout of side effects that includes lymphedema, which may limit survivors' activities. By working together, they are now able to provide needed lymphedema sleeves and gauntlets to women who need them but cannot afford them out-of-pocket or convince their insurance companies to pay for them. They do this in honor and memory of their loved ones.



Crickett Julius survived breast cancer only four months, but her mother and cousin are dedicated to helping other women enjoy their life post-diagnosis through Crickett's Answer, a 501(c)3 organization that provides wigs, mastectomy products, oncology/mastectomy/ lymphedema massage, facials, and other pampering services as a way to help women feel feminine and beautiful after losing their hair and/or breasts.



LympheDIVAs was founded by Rachel Troxell and Robin Miller, friends and breast cancer survivors, who wanted to create a more elegant and comfortable compression sleeve. Rachel continued to build the company during her later recurrence. Even though she died two years ago, at the age of 37, her father, mother, and brother continue to grow the company in her honor and in the hope that LympheDIVAs’ compression apparel will continue to inspire breast cancer survivors everywhere to feel as beautiful, strong, and confident as Rachel was.

To ask for help, please download and complete the forms at Crickett's Answer, writing in "lymphedema sleeve and gauntlet" on page 2 of the application.

To help someone else, please copy and paste this post on your blog or email it to a friend (or your local cancer center!).

To donate, go here.

To help change the law so that this medical garment is covered by cancer survivors' insurance, stay tuned for more about the Lymphedema Treatment Act when it is reintroduced in the 2011 Congress.

Because of these women, these three thirty-something women who didn't ask to get breast cancer, and the men and women who love them, there is now help for women who can't afford lymphedema sleeves, a medically necessary garment not typically covered by insurance. Their legacy lives on.

Note: Cancer patients who are members of the National Lymphedema Network and who are treated by an NLN therapist can also apply to the NLN garment fund, set up in honor of Marilyn Westerbrook.