I've lost my blogging mojo, you all! Every time I post, I think "Oh good! It's back!" And then I sit, mojo-less, for a week or two.
Like anything, blogging is 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration. Meaning, I just need to sit down and start.
Time management. (I need some.)
Back in the summer, and honestly, for years and years before that, I fantasized about my days with 4 kids in school.
I would write deep and profound things. Sip coffee. Teach myself calligraphy. Organize my house. And then, take another coffee break, maybe. I'd walk an hour a day, listening to This American Life podcasts.
I would wear thick, cozy sweaters and warm chenille socks.
For a few hours a day, my life would be calm. My mind would be quiet. My house would be clean.
Do I need to tell you that's not how it is? I think I've only had 2 days since school started when I didn't have anywhere to go?
And yes, those 2 days were lovely.
But I spend most days teetering on the edge of full-on panic. Rushing, rushing, rushing. Doctor and therapy appointments, meetings, volunteering, fixing the car and filling the fridge. Sorting paperwork and writing checks. School and lessons. Practices and games.
My heart and I are always racing.
When does that life I imagined start? Where is my sweater and chenille socks?
But this is it.
This is my life.
Racing from one thing to the next. Hoping my blood pressure isn't as high as it feels.
I don't think the pace of my life is going to change any time soon. (In fact, it's accelerating even as I type this.) I need to learn to be at peace in the chaos. And organize myself accordingly.
In high school, one of my favorite quotes was from the beginning of The Desiderata, "Go placidly amid the noise and haste..."
Little did I know then how much noise and haste I was in for!
Every now and then, I think about giving up this space. It's just one more thing I don't do as well as I would like.
But I decided that giving it up means letting the chaos win. This is one of the few things I do just for me. I don't have deadlines or responsibilities. It's a place I come just because I want to.
Since that life in the sweater and the chenille socks isn't heading my way any time soon, I need to learn to manage what little time I have. Even if my writing here is infrequent, I hope you will bear with me as I find my balance.
6 comments:
Don't give up this space, even if you don't write as often as you like. I, for one, would miss you!
Over the past year or so, my dad has come down to help us out for a day or two here or there and on one particularly crazy visit (the house was a disaster, Abel and I were crossing paths without seeing each other, etc. etc.) I said to my dad, "Aren't you glad you get to go home and leave this chaos?" And his look and words were more wistful than I would have imagined...as a retired empty nester he does have all the time in the world for that other stuff, and I know he enjoys it, but...
No. It's me, too. I think I'm more appropriately categorized as a former blogger and that breaks my heart. At this rate, I'll have to start paying for therapy again - but when will I find the time to go??
Don't leave us!! I think your attitude is perfect - you have to face the life you have, and this space serves you when you need it and can use it, even if you don't use it as you envision doing so.
Plus, we'd miss you!
Don't stop! Take a break if need be, but don't stop. As you saw, I ran out of steam on mine, but like you, I won't let Chaos win.
When I read your articles, I can hear you and Rocket Man talking. I here your voices, and remember sitting in the room you and Kay shared and laughing. It's an eye in the storm.
And it's not you, it's life!
Oh - I so relate to this... The twins aren't in school full time yet - but I already see the writing on the wall. Those preschool hours? Could be minutes. There just aren't enough hours (or minutes) in the day...
Hey! You stole my latest blog post! Well, it would be considered stealing if I'd have gotten off my @$$ and actually written it. Oy.
But then I'm about two weeks late on commenting here. So your perspiration has trumped my inspiration.
And here endeth the lesson. Peace be with you.
(And also with you.)
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Go ahead. I can take it.