Well, there's nothing like having a little internet pity party to spring a person into action.
Janel left me an excellent comment on my last post about searching a local message board in the special needs forum. (Thank you, Janel!) I didn't find the silver bullet... i.e., here's an OT who takes your insurance and is AMAZING with kids... in fact, I found completely the opposite. Which is ok too.
I found lots of parents saying that they had tried and tried to work within their insurance company's limitations (my insurance company in particular, in fact) and it just could not be done. They paid out of pocket to get the best they could for their kid.
And maybe that's exactly what I needed to hear. We WILL get Shout evaluated, wherever she needs it. We'll deal with any therapy or testing costs later. One step at a time... one evaluation at a time. We will do this.
She's had a really rough couple of weeks. Her class met at her teacher's house (!!!) two weeks ago. They planned to walk to a nearby playground before lunch. But she got into a scuffle with one of the other kids and completely flipped out, so I made her stay back with me until she calmed down.
I wanted her to stay calm for TWO minutes and then we could walk to the park. But she could. not. do. it. She was yelling and screaming and kicking things. Finally... FINALLY (after a LONG time) she managed to hold it together for two minutes and we got up to walk down the street to the park... and we saw the whole class coming back.
My heart broke into 1000 pieces for her.
She threw herself down on the ground and cried her heart out. And honestly, I wanted to join her there. It was a sad moment.
On Saturday, she had soccer. I'm not sure what it is about soccer that makes her crazy. She likes it, I think. She asked to sign up for it. All her friends are on her team and she has a fabulous coach.
But crazy she was. She was yelling that she hates me from the middle of the field. She was SPITTING towards me. (Yes. Other parents were asking "Did your daughter just SPIT at you?" Oh yes. She did.) It all went rapidly downhill for reasons I don't even understand. So I had to pull my ace. I told her if she didn't behave, she wouldn't get to go to the neighborhood fair that was happening right after.
And, you might have guessed already, she didn't behave.
And so she didn't get to go. And she CRIED. And SCREAMED. And KICKED me. And THREW things at me. (Most of this was still at the soccer field.)
And inside, I wanted to cry, because I knew she REALLY wanted to go. And honestly, I don't know if she CAN control herself. But mostly, I was embarrassed. I'll admit. Those other parents were looking at me and my kid, and maybe they weren't judging. But it felt like they were. I just couldn't handle going to another public place with her that day.
I had my last parenting class last week. It was excellent. It was like a little oasis of sanity every Thursday. I cried when it was over. (Is it me or is there a lot of crying in this post?) Mostly because I feel like although I learned some great techniques, I don't feel like I'm any closer to figuring out Shout. Why does she go from absolutely delightful to a raving lunatic for seemingly no reason? Why can she cuddle me and tell me she adores me and 10 minutes later scream that she hates me and spit at me?
I haven't figured that out yet. But I'm going to keep looking until I find someone who can.
6 comments:
Sue -
My heart breaks for you. My sister in law (she is an OT and deals with the 18 and under population - specialized in 0-5 for a long time)
Anyway -
your comment "I don't know if she CAN control herself" Really hit me. I remember that struggle with Holly and her focus issues that we battled with everything for 4 years.
My SIL described it as - when your child needs crutches to walk and it is something physical that you can see. You wouldn't dream of making a kid with a broken leg walk without crutches.
But when there are other sensory or spectrum issues happening - we can't "see" them as easy - so we think our kids should just be able to do what everyone else can. Your know, just be more strict, provide more routine, put them on special diets... we have been there... But, sadly, they cannot. Some kids needs extra help and that is OK.
You are on the right path, but it is a long path with a lot of twists and turns. Having her evaluated and work within that. As a first step - can the school district do some testing first, until you can get your own formal testing?
Sue, with each post of yours that I read, I think more and more that we could sit down and begin talking about parenting our individual children... and not get up for weeks. While our situations may not be exactly the same in logistics, I can so understand the feeling behind your words here. I wish you much success in finding some answers and approaches that help get through each day!!
Oh Sue, my heart broke for both of you when I read that her class was on their way back.
My sister and BIL went through a very rough patch with my niece nearly two years ago. They got the help they needed and she's doing better. It is a long road filled with potholes.
Best, best wishes for you and your girl!
Glad to hear that the discussion board was helpful - I think what I like the best about that board is that you can connect with people who are struggling parents and the anonymity helps because wow, is it lonely out there. I can't stand the Judgy McJudgersons (maybe that is projecting but still) so it's nice to at least get some anonymous support from people in similar situations - especially trying to find resources for their children! Now I will start wondering what my kid will do at his 1st communion this Sat! ;)
Oh Sue.. I'm so sorry for all of this drama! But isn't the Internet wonderful? What did mothers do even 10 years ago?
I hope you find the answers you need. Hang tough woman!
Oh, I know...I know. It is so hard. Look on the sunny side, though. And there is a sunny side. You know there are issues. It isn't your parenting and it isn't that she's a "bad kid". It's a whole different world when you don't know there is a problem and things like this happen. Been there, done that, got the T shirt and now it's my scrub rag. My suggestion is start with the neuropsych exam. Work for the OT next year. If it is ADHD or NLD, then treatment can start for that. I learned when on our journey that my insurance would pay for a neuropsych exam if (stress if) it was phrased that it was to rule out autism or Asperger's syndrome. Other issues? Wouldn't pay for it at all.
I'm keeping you in my prayers. You will get through this. And, remember, you are not alone.
Post a Comment
Go ahead. I can take it.