a good husband would turn you in, a great husband helps you bury the body

Well, I was right. Buttercup was not long for this world. As it turns out, he (she?) was pretty elderly for a hamster and, well, who knows what brought his (her?) demise? The germs in our house, the temperature (which according to my consultants was not actually that cold, especially after I cranked the heat to 80 degrees), the non-organic fruit and veggies we fed him? I figure the dude has been living in a preschool for two years, he must have been fairly hearty at one time.

I feel bad that he died on my watch. And grossed out that we had a dead animal on the coffee table for most of the day. And I was sure as soon as I opened that cage to, you know, take care of things, he was going to SPRING TO LIFE and jump right on my face.

But he didn't.

Laundry Dad helped me dispose of the body.

We would have given him a proper burial, except according to the internet you have to dig down at least 3 feet. And the ground is frozen. And I don't really even LIKE hamsters. And my friend, Sarah, was the one who was SUPPOSED to have Buttercup this weekend. I was just the back up. If anyone is digging a 3-foot hole, it should be her. (Also? As a tip, don't google "bury the body"... trust. me.)

But I realized that I went through the five stages of death and dying... and any of you who are LUCKY enough to be my friend on Facebook, got to get live updates! I've recreated it here.

• Sue Laundry Lady
We have the kindergarten hamster at our house and uh... I haven't seen him move in the last 24 hours.
15 hours ago • Friends Only •LikeUnlike •

*stage one: DENIAL*

• Sue Laundry Lady
Ok, the hamster IS alive. But not moving much. Hopefully this is not a bad sign.
13 hours ago • Friends Only •LikeUnlike •

*stage two: ANGER*

• Sue Laundry Lady
Wake UP you stupid hamster!
10 hours ago • Friends Only •LikeUnlike •

(ok, I made this one up... never let the truth get in the way of a good story, people)


*stage three: BARGAINING*

• Sue Laundry Lady
Well... I can see breathing motion, but he hasn't come out of his cottage or eaten any food. Now I think he either has a thyroid problem or seasonal affective disorder. I tried to take his pulse, but I have no idea where his arteries are. As long as he keeps breathing until I get him back to the classroom tomorrow...
9 hours ago • LikeUnlike

*stage four: DEPRESSION*

• Sue Laundry Lady
Hamster still hasn't moved. Don't see signs of breathing. Gah.
6 hours ago • Friends Only •LikeUnlike •

*stage five: ACCEPTANCE*

• Sue Laundry Lady
R.I.P. Buttercup
about an hour ago • Friends Only •LikeUnlike •

The whole process was far more traumatic for me than the kids. Shout had a friend over yesterday afternoon, and she came in and said "Oh! Is that Buttercup?"

And Shout said, "Yeah. But he's dead."

And then they proceeded to set up a Polly Pocket pool party right next to the cage with the dead rodent in it.

The only good thing is, I can use this as a case study the next time they ask for a dog.