happy new year!

I'm sitting here anxiously awaiting the beginning of the awkwardness that is Kathy Griffin and Anderson Cooper ringing in the New Year. The holidays are coming to a close and although we've had a blast, I'm just about ready for a clean slate (and a Christmas-tree free living room).

For the past few days, we had a lovely visit with the grandparents. Were it not for psychotic behavior from Shout, it would have been almost perfect. (Here's two things I've learned about her: she NEEDS structure (she doesn't do well when there's no school) AND she doesn't sleep enough (ok, we all knew that)). Combine staying up late over the holidays with no school, and we have a constant 5-alarm meltdown on our hands.

She HAS pulled off a few moments of adorableness which kept us from listing her on Freecycle.

Last night, she was dressed up in a scrub shirt, medical mask and stethescope and she wanted to know where our dress up nurse's hat was. I had no idea and didn't feel like looking so I said, "You know, nurses don't actually even WEAR hats anymore." And SHE said, "Well. I'm a nurse that deals with blood products and we DO wear hats."

So there. She went and found the hat herself.

Today, she's dressed up as Katherine from DC Cupcakes. We watched 5 DVR'ed episodes today (while we were munching on cupcakes from Georgetown Cupcake) and she's been acting it out ever since. She's currently making 1,000 imaginary red velvet cupcakes to make a gigantic platelet for the imaginary American Red Cross benefit.

Cheer's 8th birthday was the other day. It sucks to have a Christmas week birthday. This year, we celebrated Christmas Round 2 and his birthday together. The celebrating went on a bit too long. By the time we were having cake, he was at the end of his rope and pitching a 5-alarm meltdown of his own.

I pulled him into the kitchen and gave him a lecture about how he's NINE now and he needs to ACT like a nine-year old or we aren't going to TREAT him like a nine-year old. I ended with a dramatic stern look and heard Bounce giggling in the next room as she was saying, "Uh, mom. He's EIGHT."

Oh yeah. Well then, he was actually acting just like any other 8-year old acts at 10:15 at night.

As 2010 rolls it's final credits, I'm not feeling very reflective. It wasn't a bad year, but I've already figured out how 2011 can be better. (Which is a whole post in itself.) I'm looking forward. I'm excited about what is to come. There are challenges ahead for me and I'm ready to take them on.

May 2011 hold wonderful surprises for you too.

all is calm, all is bright

This picture is from a few years ago. My house was not nearly this clean this year.
I may be a slob, but at least I'm honest.


I think I'm surrendering on Reverb10. It has been fun, but I'm all stressed out about catching up now and thinking of answers and I have so many other things that I should ACTUALLY be stressing about that I think I need to re-prioritize.

Like OMG my house looks like a Christmas BOMB went off and my in-laws will be here in 24 hours! Also, Cheer's birthday is in 2 days and I don't think I can LOOK at another toy.

I must say though, Christmas here was fabulous. Everyone got what they wanted. (Well, OK, *I* didn't wake up in Puerto Rico, but other than that...) Cheer (aka Johnny Holiday) got up at 4:10 AM. FOUR TEN, PEOPLE. Santa had gone to bed just two hours earlier.

We sent him back to bed, but he just went and sat on the couch WIDE AWAKE for 2 hours, staring at the presents until he just couldn't take it any more.

We we were all done opening presents and were sitting down to breakfast by 6:30AM. Don't you wish you were here?

Cheer was so excited when he opened his Nintendo DSi that he laid down on the floor and did the worm. It was the funniest thing ever. Too bad it happened outside of video camera range. (Note to self: Next year, have the Flip handy.)

For the entire rest of the day, there was NO FIGHTING. Not a single HARSH WORD. It was disorienting. I kept thinking, "THIS is what it could be like? Wow." They even put themselves to bed, for the first time EVER. There was no herding and brushing and tucking and berating and reminding. They just went upstairs and went to bed. It was almost alarming.

But never fear, things are back to normal round these parts. I've already put that DSi in time out, along with several other Christmas prezzies. And earlier today, I screamed so loudly that I was afraid I had ruptured a blood vessel in my face. (In my defense, they WERE trying to kill each other.)

I've thrown out more bags of wrapping paper and plastic packaging than I can count. I hit the Target 50% off holiday aisle. We've eaten almost all the leftovers. A Christmas Story is no longer on infinite loop on TBS (sob). The BLIZZARD we were supposed to get on Christmas was a bust here in DC, but the swirling snowflakes were picturesque while they lasted.

My mind is thinking ahead to organizing and cleaning and sweeping up all these pine needles. But for the rest of this week, we will keep celebrating. Cheer turning 8 (that noise was me fainting), my dad, a New Years Eve baby, turning 79! New Years Day with good friends and neighbors.

I'm soaking up the last of the holiday week. I'm enjoying my new iPod and the most awesome flameless LED candles. (With a REMOTE, people! I don't even have to get up off the couch to turn them off!) I'll deal with the pine needles and the credit card bill (OMG) next week!

Hope your bum got well acquainted with your couch this Christmas and Santa brought at least 24 hours of peace and happiness your way!

Merry Christmas from the Laundromat!

lesson learned

What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?

I learned that I can do things I didn't think I could. I never used to feel a lack of self-confidence, but after being home full time for over 10 years, I seriously have wondered if I can do ANYTHING anymore.

But this year, I took an undergrad class and got an A. While it wasn't the hardest thing I've ever done, it wasn't easy. Most of my studying was done late at night. I somehow managed to memorize things in spite of my Swiss cheese mama brain. It gave me the confidence to know that I can do more. And in 2011, I will do more.

I also took up running - something I've never done before and never in a million years would have thought I could do. Even a few weeks into it, I was quite sure it was going to kill me. But it didn't. At the ripe old age of forty*mumble, mumble*, I convinced my body to do something new. There will be more of that in 2011 too.

This post is Day 17 of Reverb10, 31 days of reflecting on the year that's past and sending out reverberations for the year ahead.)

friendship

Photo from Enjoying the Small Things

How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?

I've been thinking hard about this one too. This is the year I felt the most out of touch with those around me. Many days, the only adult voices I hear are the ones I read on my computer late at night after everyone has gone to bed.

So I'm going to answer this with one of those friends, even though I don't actually know her, and she doesn't know me. Kelle Hampton, who writes Enjoying the Small Things, has changed my perspective on the world and life this year. I frequently look at a frustration or mess or snafu and think "WWKD?"

It all started out when someone passed on a link to the birth story of her beautiful daughter, Nella Cordelia. If you haven't read this before, you absolutely MUST. It's long and you will need more than a couple tissues, but oh my goodness, if you only read one more blog post in your life, it should be this one. I felt a strong connection with her having felt some of those same emotions myself.

After Nella's birth, I kept following Kelle's blog. She makes every day a celebration. Every moment is A Moment. Her favorite phrase is "sucking the marrow out of life."

I have to say that much of this year, I have plodded along. Probably the opposite of how Kelle lives her life. And although I will probably never be as magical and full of wonder as she is, I have tried and will keep trying to see the special, magical, wonderful moments of every day.

This post is Day 16 of Reverb10, 31 days of reflecting on the year that's past and sending out reverberations for the year ahead.)

5 minutes

Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.

This one stumped me. I looked at what other people wrote (I googled "Reverb10" and "5 minutes") and people listed travels, new homes, babies born, major milestones.

2010 was not full of major milestones for us, but lots of everyday moments. The kind that actually DO slip away in our memories. I think I would remember if I traveled to Europe or bought a vacation home at the beach, but I won't remember sharing pizza at the pool with neighbors or taking walks around the block with Shout.

So what I would grab, in less than 5 minutes, is my camera. This year, I tried to capture the everyday in pictures. I'm not as good about this as I'd like to be, but I started keeping my camera in the dining room. Close to the heart of the action in our house and where it reminds me to memorialize those little moments. Of kids doing homework, or shucking corn, or building a fort out of the couch cushions AGAIN. A plate of cookies. A pie. A hot cup of coffee.

These are the moments that slip away.

This post is Day 15 of Reverb10, 31 days of reflecting on the year that's past and sending out reverberations for the year ahead.)

appreciate

What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?

Lazy mornings.

Having Shout in afternoon kindergarten has its challenges, but one of the biggest advantages? I can hang out in my pajamas in the morning with no excuses. We (ok, I) drink coffee, light a fire, read books, draw pictures and catch up on email while lingering over breakfast and planning out what to have for lunch.

I used to worry about still being in my pajamas at 11am. Now, I relish it. Because I know this is the last year I'll be able to get away with it.

I'm going to miss my chatty little breakfast date next year.

This post is Day 14 of Reverb10, 31 days of reflecting on the year that's past and sending out reverberations for the year ahead.)

action

When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?

Oooh this is a tough one. It hangs over my head every minute of the day. WHAT am I going to do with myself?

Much of my decision hinges on Tide and high school. If he goes to a Catholic high school (my preference), I will HAVE to work to earn whatever the difference in tuition is.

I probably won't have to work full-time, but I will certainly have to work part-time. So there is no way I can attend nursing school full-time. So all of those plans are up in the air right now as well. (I have an appointment on January 7th to talk to someone about a different program (an undergraduate program instead of a Masters) that I could do part-time. I won't be giving up on that dream. Not yet anyway.)

I have some aspirations. Some dreams I'd love to follow. But. Money is certainly an object. So my aspirations are tempered with the need for a reliable paycheck and what my family needs most from me.

This is my biggest puzzle and challenge for 2011.

This post is Day 13 of Reverb10, 31 days of reflecting on the year that's past and sending out reverberations for the year ahead.)

body integration

This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?

I would not call myself a runner by ANY stretch of the imagination. I don't even know that I ENJOY running. But I would have to say the answer to this question is when I ran my first 5K in April. And I didn't even run the whole way. I walked up almost all the hills. And there were a lot of them. But it's something I NEVER imagined myself doing. And when I first starting training, it was something I was SURE I COULD NOT DO. And I did it.

I'll be honest. I haven't run in months. I hate that. Even though I kinda hate running, I love the way it makes my body feel. I love that I can do it, even though it still surprises me.

It's something I am definitely adding back to the program in 2011.

This post is Day 12 of Reverb10, 31 days of reflecting on the year that's past and sending out reverberations for the year ahead.)

11 things

What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?

1. Clutter

2. 20 pounds

3. A kid in half-day school

4. Things I feel obligated to keep but don't necessarily want

5. Weariness (the kind that comes from having no time to myself)

6. Anxiety about raising emerging teenagers

7. Bad hair days

8. Guilt over not being able to think of 11 things for my 11 Things List.

Honestly, I'm mostly hoping for nos. 1 and 2. If I can accomplish those, I will feel lighter, more centered, more at peace and more confident. I could use all of those things right now.

This post is Day 11 of Reverb10, 31 days of reflecting on the year that's past and sending out reverberations for the year ahead.)

wisdom

Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

I'm glad this doesn't ask about the unwise decisions I made this year, because there were a whole lot of those.

The wisest decision though, is easy: where to send Shout to kindergarten. I spent far more time debating where to send her this year than I did about where I should go to college. (And I'm not done because I still have to decide if she will do kindergarten again next year, or if she should go to 1st grade, so stay tuned for plenty more angst. I actually mentioned to her teacher the other day, "Do you have any thoughts about next year yet?" And she looked at me and said, "I think you should just enjoy how well she's doing this year.")

Wise.

In the end, my decision was made based on the fact that, yes, she was way behind a typical entering kindergartener, but if she had ANY chance of catching up, it would most likely happen in a smaller class size. And that was certainly the best call. She gets so much individual attention and her teacher appreciates and is amazed at every little bit of progress she's made. She could only do this in a small class.

Shout LOVES school. She can't wait for the weekend to be over so she can go back. She has learned so much this year, I am flabbergasted. It gives me the biggest warm fuzzies ever.

I can't take all the credit for the wisdom of the decision. At a certain point I just had to close my eyes, leap and hope for the best. But the best is most definitely what we got.

This post is Day 10 of Reverb10, 31 days of reflecting on the year that's past and sending out reverberations for the year ahead.)

party

What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.

The party that rocked my socks off was my sister-in-law's 50th birthday party. It was a rare night when we had a babysitter who could stay late. There was great music and good people and I danced like it was 1985. The birthday girl wanted dancing, so I was happy to oblige. We finally had to take it down a notch when my brother came up from the basement and was worried about the ceiling coming down.

Milestone birthdays are definitely moments that should be celebrated. And a little Rock Lobster never hurts. (My brother's 50th birthday party is this weekend.)

This post is Day 9 of Reverb10, 31 days of reflecting on the year that's past and sending out reverberations for the year ahead.)

beautifully different

I've gotten behind on my Reverb10 posts, so I'm going to try to do 2 a day until I catch up. (I'm going to back date them though.)

Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.

It figures that I got stuck on this one.

The things that make me different - a sarcastic sense of humor and an overdose of common sense. Are those what make me beautiful? Hmmm... I don't know. Sometimes they are my biggest impediments. And yet, they are two things I would never change about myself.

I think that beauty comes from self-confidence - about your inside and your outside. And for most of my life, I think I did have a good sense of self-confidence. I would have to say though that for 2010, self-confidence has been a major struggle. My previously defined roles are changing. My kids are growing up, leaving me to figure out what I am going to next, and wondering if I am capable of doing anything other than taking care of kids. One of my kids, in particular, has been going through a challenging time, leaving me to question every single parenting decision I have ever made, at least every 15 minutes or so.

At the same time, I feel like my body is aging. Rapidly. My skin feels dry, my eyelids are droopy, my hair is crazy, I have 25 lbs. I can't seem to lose. I need to order my second pair of bifocals because the first pair isn't strong enough any more. I've never been overly concerned about my appearance, but I am definitely not confident in how I look right now.

2011 will be a year of big change for me and I hope with the changes comes a renewed sense of self-confidence because that is the seed of true beauty.

This post is Day 8 of Reverb10, 31 days of reflecting on the year that's past and sending out reverberations for the year ahead.)

surly

Pick a time in the past year when you were the most surly.

Right now.

We've had a disasterous couple of days here at the Laundry. The tone is set by one almost teenage boy whose antics make me want to stab myself in the neck. I won't even elaborate further because it's all too annoying and I don't want to give him further ammunition for making me pay his therapy bills someday.

ALL MY SPARE MONEY IS GOING TO PAY *MY* THERAPY BILLS.

Bounce has been home sick all week. She has a mysterious illness which gives her random fevers spiking to almost 103. However, she feels fine and mostly has good energy and it has not stopped her from talking constantly, a mile a minute. And asking every day "Can we do something fun?"

NO. YOU'RE SICK. GET IN BED. THAT'S ALL THE FUN WE'RE HAVING TODAY.

(Don't you wish I was YOUR mom?)

Yesterday, I was home all morning waiting for the grocery delivery that NEVER CAME. (Well geez, I just spoiled that climactic ending.) Because I was waiting for the delivery man who was allegedly "about to pull up to the house ANY MINUTE," Shout was late for school.

While we were waiting, Bounce made up a GREAT! GAME! Shout (let's just refresh for a second, she's the kid with the bleeding disorder) would fall forward on her face, ON A COUCH CUSHION, and Bounce would take pictures of her falling.

SO! FUN!

And? HILARIOUS!

Except... let's refresh again for a sec... Shout is also the kid who's a little wonky on the gross motor skills. So guess what happens when she misses the couch cushion and lands flat on her face on the wood floor.

(Hint: BLOOD! EVERYWHERE!!!)

Also? That did not stop Bounce from taking pictures. Because THAT was the WHOLE POINT of the game.

Of course, this all happened when I just got through to a live person after I spent 18 minutes on hold with a shoe store trying to get them to tell me WHAT SIZE school shoes I bought back in August.

There was no way I was hanging up that phone.

(It was quite a scene.)

We got the bleeding stopped fairly quickly and Shout's punishment was that she had to clean the blood off all the surfaces it got on. (That took awhile.)

Meanwhile, the woman at the shoe store was not able to tell me what size Tide's school shoes are.

And WHY, you may ask, do I need to know that?

Well, because Monday was St. Nicholas Day, when legend has it that little children put their shoes outside the doors of their houses and St. Nicholas comes along and fills them with candy.

Cute right?

Except when your kids school celebrates it and they have almost 300 kids put the EXACT SAME UNIFORM SHOE outside the classroom door.

Somehow, and again, it's too long and boring to even go INTO the details, Tide ended up with the wrong shoes. We know they are the wrong shoes because they are immaculately clean. Also, they are too small.

Can I tell you how much time I have spent on the phone and the internet trying to get this resolved? I don't even want to add it up. I don't know what BRAND of shoes he had. I don't know what SIZE they were. I just know that I am not buying ANOTHER PAIR of $50 shoes.

I eventually gave up on my groceries and brought Shout to school, where she had missed lunch and was completely discombobulated. And also, probably weak from all the blood loss. There were tears and drama.

Ten minutes later, when I picked everyone UP at school, I got a message from Cheer's teacher that the workbooks that I assumed he had forgotten to bring home for homework the night before are in fact missing and I am the chief suspect.

I had already spent a good hour looking for these books. Our house may not be the cleanest, but it's small. There's really not that many places books could hide.

I spent ANOTHER hour looking for the books and they still haven't turned up.

A few hours later, Tide came back from hockey practice and informed me that one of his practice hockey socks is missing. (And by "sock" he means, GIANT BLUE LEG WARMER-THINGIE.)

Seriously?

I've spent at LEAST another hour looking for that damn sock and I can't find it anywhere.

So to recap, on the missing list:

$300 worth of groceries
2 second grade workbooks
1 pair of school shoes
1 pint of blood (O positive)
1 hockey sock
my sanity
3 days worth of my child-free 2 hours

Is it any wonder I'm surly?

This post is totally not part of Reverb10. (Did I fool anyone?)

community

Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

I have found strengthening bonds with my various online communities in the past year. At the same time though, I have felt more detached from my real life communities. I wrote about it before. I think part of it is the time in life where our family is right now. We are in the car a lot, driving to activities, or home hunched over homework. My kids have growing social lives - going to movies and the skating rink - which adds to the time that I am driving them places.

I wonder though, how much my connection to online friends prevents me from working harder to find real life connections? If I didn't have such a daily, constant connection to people from around the world, I would need to reach out the the community in which I live.

For 2011, I would like to find a balance of those two tribes. Online relationships have different expectations and responsibilities, which are often easier for me to keep up with in a busy household. But my online friends can't loan me an egg or give me a hug or go out with me for a margarita.

And everybody needs a maragarita friend or 5.

This post is Day 7 of Reverb10, 31 days of reflecting on the year that's past and sending out reverberations for the year ahead.)

make

source
What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

I have this dream of starting a business of buying old, ragged furniture at thrift stores and yard sales and re-inventing it. Painting and distressing and shabby chic-ing the hell out of it.

I love painting furniture. If I could get the surfaces clear, I'd paint everything in my house. The distressing part is something I'm still learning, but I'm getting better.

I did a few pieces this year - my living room tables, a dresser, a magazine holder, some shelves. Mostly all for my own use, but I might try to sell a few things come spring.

To actually make any money, I'd have to have a plan. And some space to work. Two things I can't muster right now. And in the end, I think this kind of thing is more a labor of love than a serious money making adventure anyway.

I've hovered around this plan for a long time though. 2011 is the year all my kids will be in school full-time, so I hope to make some of my plans into reality.

I haven't yet decided if this will be one of them, or just something fun I do for myself.

This post is Day 6 of Reverb10, 31 days of reflecting on the year that's past and sending out reverberations for the year ahead.)

let go

What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

I let go of a friendship this year. Actually, I think I was dumped long before, but it took me awhile to realize it.

I once had a good friend. A very, very good friend. Like a sister. But I moved away and it was hard to stay close. Eventually, we settled into a comfortable long-distance, old-friends kind of relationship. We didn't talk every day. Or even every month. But she was the first person I'd call when something really big was happening. We saw each other when we could. Our lives had diverged, but I always thought we would forever be those friends who could pick up the phone and continue the conversation we'd started 3 months before without missing a beat.

I started to realize something had changed about two years ago. Christmas cards and gifts didn't arrive. Birthdays passed without a note or a call.

I worried that I had done something wrong.

Had I not responded to an important email? Or missed a major life event?

I searched my memory and my Sent Mail folder. I couldn't find anything.

Maybe I forgot to send a birthday gift? A Christmas card? I tried to be good about those things, but maybe I missed one. Surely it must be something I DID. I beat myself up about it. I continued to send packages and letters, thinking that eventually we'd pick up where we left off. We'd clear the air and settle back into our comfortable friendship.

But it never happened. They were only met with silence.

I was mad at myself for being distracted. For being a bad friend. For doing something so bad that one of my oldest and dearest friends could not forgive me, even though I had absolutely no idea what it was.

I was sick every time I thought about it.

But this year? I let it go.

I miss my friend dearly. I have tears in my eyes as I write this. I pictured us being old ladies together and going to antique shows or trying on hats. I am deeply sad that my daughters will never get to know this woman. Because she is amazing.

But I have to stop beating myself up about this. The worst thing I could be guilty of is benign neglect. And friends, especially the kind of friends we were, understand that kind of thing. If that is my sin, I deserve to be forgiven.

My friend, if you ever happen to read this, I'm sorry and I dearly miss you.

(Gah, Reverb10, you are killing me. This post is Day 5 of Reverb10, 31 days of reflecting on the year that's past and sending out reverberations for the year ahead.)

wonder

How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

The most wonder-filled thing this past year has been the absolute blossoming of Shout in kindergarten. I can't explain it, I didn't expect it, I take no credit for it, but it is amazing to be a spectator to it.

She has gone from not being able to count to 5 to counting to 100. In September, she didn't know her alphabet, and now she is teetering on the edge of reading. READING! She spells every word she sees to me and wants to know what it is. She recognizes every sight word she learned in school and even writes me notes. With words! That are spelled correctly!

It's simply astonishing.

I've had fears for many years about her academic life. They haven't been completely dispelled, but I can look forward to her heading off to the big kids school without a lingering sense of dread.

That girl always surprises me. She's writing her own story and lemme tell you, it's a page-turner.

(This post is Day 4 of Reverb10, 31 days of reflecting on the year that's past and sending out reverberations for the year ahead.)