Although everyone says this about blogging, it's never more true for me than when I post a cry for help. It is SO HELPFUL to know that I am not alone. And I was paging back through old posts and found this from August 24th of last year, so I do believe that it's an End of the Summer Syndrome.
I had Laundry Dad being me home a bottle of wine last night and while we were trying to get it opened, the cork disintegrated. Into cork dust, so tiny I couldn't strain the particulate out of it. Even with my coffee filter.
It was a sad, sad moment.
But then my friend, Julie called and invited me over for a drink. So that was even better.
So on to my post for today:
School starts on Tuesday.
Although, like last year, the first two days of school are actually sort of tortuous. Mid-day dismissal at one school both days. At the other school, an hour the first day, and regular schedule the second day, which leaves me dropping off one kid at 11:30 and picking up the other 3 at 12:30.
We're calling Wednesday Shout's official first day of kindergarten. That's the day that she brings her lunch and I actually leave her there.
I always used to say, I was going to do a cartwheel outside the school on her first day of kindergarten.
But that was when I thought she'd be going to kindergarten all day. At the same school as everyone else.
So I probably won't be cartwheeling. Not to mention, I'd probably break something if I tried.
It's her first day of kindergarten, but not the first day I expected. And it may not be her ONLY first day of kindergarten.
Something she seems to be handling perfectly in stride.
When someone asks her if she's going to kindergarten she says "Yes. And NEXT YEAR, if I'm ready for first grade, I'll go to first grade. And if I'm still doing kindergarten stuff, I'll go to ANOTHER kindergarten."
I hate that she feels the need to qualify it, but she obviously doesn't care.
So maybe this WILL be her ONLY first day of kindergarten. In which case, I need to make it as BIG A DEAL as with my other kids. Even though she doesn't need to bring in bags and bags of supplies. And even though it's only a half day. And she's not wearing a uniform. And it's at the preschool where she's gone for the past 2 years. It feels a little anti-climactic. To me. But not to her.
So we will be making it a BIG. FREAKING. DEAL. Even if we have to do it all over again next year. Because, what if we don't?
She has come a LONG way in the past year. I can only imagine where she will be at this time next year.
Last year at this time, she couldn't even count to four. FOUR. It killed me. She WAS four and couldn't even count that high.
Now, she can count to 10. (And sometimes after that, she even says "one-dy-one" for eleven. Which is the cutest thing ON EARTH.)
10 might not seem like a lot for a 5 year old, but in one year, she went from counting to THREE to counting to TEN.
That's progress, people!
She also has made HUGE strides on her ABCs. I have no idea why that is so hard for her, when many 18-month olds can sing most of them. But she has been trying and trying and getting frustrated for years.
And then, suddenly, a few weeks ago, she started getting it.
She can't make it from A to Z without a little help, but BY GOD, one day, this girl will be able to alphabetize with the best of them.
(She can sing several Lady Gaga songs from beginning to end, so I really don't understand the disconnect with the ABCs, but there it is.)
She's charting her own path of developmental milestones. Which is hard for me, because, darn it, give me an instruction book and I FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS. TO THE LETTER. She's not following the instructions. She's writing her own book. Which is a lot harder, but so much more impressive.
(We're also going to be doing some kindergarten homeschooling in the mornings. I have no idea what I'm doing. Other than reading a bunch of homeschooling blogs. Which are inspiring me, but still not telling me where to start. Could someone please point me to the Homeschooling Instruction Book?)
It's the end of a long summer. Somehow, somewhere, I lost my mojo.
I've tried to get it back.
I've tried faking it. Dressing the part. Planning outings. Cleaning up my surroundings. Cooking. Creating. I even got out my camera and tried to look at life through a lens for awhile.
But all I want to do is go back to bed. Or fast-forward to the next season, where maybe schedule and structure and cooler weather will revitalize me. (And where the mosquitos will die. Good GOD the mosquitos are killing me.)
What do you do when you get to that place where your reserves are emptied out and there's no filling station nearby?
So hypothetically, if someone called you a hoarder and then gave you a bag of rotten tomatoes, that would be a test right?
If you KEEP the bag of rotten tomatoes, then yes, indeed. You ARE a hoarder.
If you throw away the rotten tomatoes, then no.
You may be a slob. Or maybe you have bunches of kids who play with their toys all over the living room. Or maybe you would rather enjoy the day instead of spending every second cleaning up. Or maybe your husband has demo'ed the basement to refinish it and moved everything up into the general living areas and you just have nowhere to put everything right now.
I now have two kids who are grounded until Christmas. (Names withheld to protect the so very guilty.) And probably later, because I'm sure they'll do something else between now and then.
We went back-to-school shoe shopping today. It was every bit as horrible as last year. Minus Cheer getting to second base with a mannequin at Old Navy, because at least I learned something in the past year. How old do my kids have to be to actually behave in public? Because I would have THOUGHT we would be there already.
Shout also had a follow up appointment with Dr. Blood this morning. He started off the conversation by saying, "Well, she's a bit of a mystery." You can probably guess that's not the first time I've heard that.
She has something, but they don't know what yet. It's not hemophilia. Unless it's hemophilia type C, which is not actually hemophilia. I think. Or something. You see, I brought a snack and drinks and a change of clothes and books and toys and forget A PEN. And? PAPER. But either way that one almost always occurs in Ashkenazi Jews, which last I checked, she wasn't one.
On the other hand, when most conversations with medical professionals start out with "Well, she's a bit of a mystery," maybe the next time they'll tell me she really IS an Ashkenazi Jew, because at this point, not much would surprise me with her. (And it would save me a lot of money in Catholic schooling, I'm thinking. Which I would need to treat the hemophilia. C.)
I do know that she tripped and skinned her knee at the pool the other day and it looked like someone sacrificed an animal right there on the pool deck. There was blood everywhere. Including embedded in the sequins on her platform sandals. (Which is how she tripped to begin with. My bad. But they are so cute.)
I do know one thing. Whether she is an Ashkenazi Jew or not, she better not be falling in love with any vampires.
I have tried to refrain from counting down until the first day of school and squeeze every last bit of buttery goodness out of this summer.
But I'm laying down my arms. I'm done.
I know 3 weeks from now, I'll be bitching about school, but right now? I just want 30 minutes to be in my house alone.
To take a shower without breaking up a fight while I'm in there. (And in the shower, I'm blind as a bat, so I don't even know WHOSE fight I'm breaking up most of the time.)
To make a phone call without spelling out death threats on Post-Its to keep them from messing up a voice-activated menu.
To drink a cup of coffee all the way to the bottom while it's still hot.
To turn on HGTV and actually hear what they are saying.
To go to Starbucks and NOT have to buy 4 chocolate milks with my coffee.
I know, I know. Some of you aren't even there yet. Your kids aren't old enough to all go to school. But I think it's in the Geneva Convention of Motherhood somewhere that after 10 years of service, you get 2 hours off per day.
This summer was possibly my biggest challenge ever.
Tide is of the age where camps are lame. The pool is lame. Hanging out with your family is lame. Going to a park or playground or zoo or GODFORBID a museum? You got it. Lame.
They really should lower the legal age of employment to 12 because he's just taking up space and oxygen here, right now. And he has expensive taste in electronics. He needs a salary. Anyone out there paying people to play video games?
Shout has also been a challenge. Tweenagerhood has hit full force, and I really just can't handle it. The whole challenging authority. And the eyerolling. And the sighing. And did I mention, the lying? Oh My Holy Heck, the lying.
And she's a kid who cannot be punished. Send her to her room, she will read a book for hours. Take away electronics and she'll bake cookies. Ban her from social contact and she'll write letters to Justin Bieber.
It's infuriating.
Cheer is as high energy as usual. He starts pestering me to go to his friend's house at 6am. And I lay in bed and beg him to leave me alone. I manage to keep him busy until about 9 each morning. So if you are reading this, and Cheer has been showing up at your house every day at 9am, I really AM holding him off for 3 whole hours before that. {sorry} And his new favorite obsession is baseball statistics, so when he is at home, he walks around reading me long lists of numbers off the back of baseball cards of people I have never heard of.
And Shout has been kind of psycho this summer. I've had to put the duct tape back in the car. And I haven't been taking her to as many places as I'd like to because she really does flip her shit with no warning at all. And she's getting too heavy to just tuck under my arm and make a fast exit. It's ugly and sweaty and horrific.
So yeah. I'm ready to release the hounds. On the teachers. Good luck, teachers. I hope you had a good summer. You're going to need those peaceful, relaxing memories to draw from.
Heh.
(And yes, I know. These pictures can't be the kids of which I speak. They aren't. They're just random kids from the pool. I have no idea who they are.)
Now we have a CREDIT on our wireless account so we don't have to pay the bill for a few months. (Did I mention we pay our bill automatically?)
Which is nice, but it would be even nicer if that money was in my CHECKING ACCOUNT so I could pay my MORTGAGE, right?
Same deal at the dentist.
They "accidentally" overcharged us by $350. They'll send us a check, but they're in the process of converting over to a new computer system, so it will take a few weeks.
And then, there's our FSA money... trapped in our account because I don't have a fax machine.
Payday is coming. Thank God I have Starbucks gift cards.
Whew. I felt a lot of pressure to have my first post be a profound statement about my BlogHer experience. I'm glad I could link you to some people who are more clear thinking and articulate than I am.
But now here is some of the down and dirty of my BlogHer weekend.
What I Loved
Riding the Hershey's train with other DC and Baltimore area bloggers. I'm pretty sure all the other Amtrak passengers on our train were not as happy about it as I was, but it was a great way to start off the weekend, chatting and making new connections. I almost missed the train ride home due to crazy traffic in NYC and had to jump out of my cab and haul my bags along 3 blocks of crowded sidewalks with only 5 minutes to spare. But I just made it. And I got to sit with Kate, from The Big Piece of Cake, on both rides. Kate is hilarious and if you don't already read her, you should. (Thank you again, Hershey's for the free ride.)
Thursday afternoon, I was invited to an event at a very swank restaurant, Aquavit, made famous by chef Marcus Samuelsson, to learn about Seed Power Body Care, a line of all-natural skincare products. The food and drinks were delicious (omg, ya'll) and it was a pleasure to meet the founders of the company and test out their products.
It was held on the roofdeck at Bryant Park Grill which overlooks beautiful Bryant Park (where apparently people hula hoop at night with glow in the dark hula hoops).
It was a great party including margaritas, snowcones and gorgeous NYC fireman mingling and taking pictures with the guests.
But it was 8 million degrees that night, so I have to say, I was SOAKED from head to toe by the time I left. But I got to hang out with the lovely J.J. (seen above with me and hot fireman), from Caffeine and a Prayer, which was the conversation that made the night.
Saturday morning was the BlogHer 5K with Tutus for Tanner. I totally underestimated the difference between running on a treadmill and running on actual streets. Even though it was mostly flat, it was extremely hot and humid and I totally sucked. (I didn't end up face down on the pavement though, so there's a bright side.) I did the whole 3.5 mile course, but I walked much more than I wanted to. Which means I'll just have to keep running 5Ks until I run an entire one. Although it wasn't actually a race with times and a bunch of people running together, it was pretty amazing to see all the tutus in support of Tanner.
All the sessions I went to were excellent. Fashion Blogging, Blogging Autism, Grief Blogging, Taking Better Photographs, Humor Blogging... They rocked - every single one of them. My only regret is that I couldn't see every panel. In every time slot, I had to choose between at least 3 that I wanted to hear. In the Grief Blogging panel, I had a gushy fangirl moment when I was seated behind The Pioneer Woman. Within the first two minutes we were all in tears, so I pulled out a pack of tissues and she asked me for one. And then, of course, I tweeted it.
The panel that had me laughing harder than I think I've ever laughed before was called Where's the Line or Lie: Storytelling, Memoir and Poetic License with Jenny, the Bloggess, Julie Marsh, from The Mom Slant and Jory des Jardins, from BlogHer. Everyone should experience Jenny in person. Even if she's on a Blogging Zombies panel, GO!
And there was lots of opportunity to write comments in talk bubbles and have them be read and photographed. (Get it? Blogging? Comments? So clever.) Each piece that had been selected as a Voice of the Year, including mine, had inspired a work of art.
Here's mine.
It was titled: We're Rooting for You, Baby Girl {SOB}
Under each piece, there was a place to leave a talk bubble sticker with comments. I love this.
There were also these giant wrap-around talk bubble posters that were up all weekend that people left comments in.
And at the party, there was a place where you could have your photo taken with a Poloroid and some chalkboard talk bubbles.
Official BlogHer photograph by Justin Hackenworth.
At the party, I met Angella, from Dutch Blitz, which was a thrill. We've been online friends for several years, so she was on my list of Must Find people. And she is exactly as I imagined her.
After the art exhibit part of the party, I got to hang out with two of my HUGE blogging inspirations, Susan, from Friday Playdate, and Chris, from Notes from the Trenches. That was delightful and one of my big weekend highlights. (And I totally forgot to take any pictures.)
The Closing Keynote, How to Use your Voice, Your Platform and Your Power was also inspiring and motivating. The speakers were Marie Wilson, founder of The White House Project and creator of Take Our Daughters to Work Day, Gloria Feldt, former president of Planned Parenthood and P. Simran Sethi, Emmy Award-winning journalist, blogger and environmentalist. The most moving part for me was when they all talked about a time in their life that was very hard and how they kept on going. There will be a podcast eventually. I'll let you know when it's up... it was excellent.
I also spent the weekend hanging out with my sister-in-law, who doesn't have a blog... YET. (Everyone vote below and tell her she needs to start her own blog.) Even though I have known her for 20 years, we haven't had very many uninterrupted conversations, so that was a rare treat to get to talk to her all weekend long. It was also fun introducing her as a troll. (Heh.) And she graciously donated her Marriott points for our hotel, which made the weekend possible for me. And by next year, I'm sure that she will have a fabulous fitness/medical/foodie/zombie/life blog.
Lessons Learned
Don't go on a Twitter fast the week of BlogHer. I was trying to leave my house clean, laundry done and refrigerator stocked, so I layed off Twitter to get it all accomplished. And I missed out seeing lots of notices of parties and happy hours and when people were going where that I might have liked to join in on. Obsessively stalk Twitter the week of BlogHer.
No one is kidding when they say wear comfortable shoes. I wore flats all weekend and my feet were STILL killing me. There is a LOT of walking. We also stayed at a different hotel, so we had more walking than some. Although I do believe the walking kept me from gaining any weight from all the delicious food I ate.
Don't forget the sweater. It was so cold in some of the session rooms that I wish I had SOCKS. Seriously ya'll, my teeth were chattering.
It's not worth jumping around to different sessions in the same time slot. Unless you end up in one that's totally not what you expected, it's hard to get something out of a panel when you missed the beginning of it.
I am getting too old to enjoy loud, dark spaces. The parties were fun, but honestly, we spent most of our time hanging in the lobby outside the parties where we could actually hold a conversation. Also, Dennis, our favorite BlogHer bartender was out there. The man can pour a glass of wine. (We loved Dennis in the evening but cursed him through our headaches just a little in the morning. Dennis totally needs to be invited to the next BlogHer.)
I would love to live in NYC and not have a car, although I imagine it would be a lot less fun with 4 kids and in the wintertime. But I think I am much more comfortable in a concrete jungle than in an actual jungle.
BlogHer is totally about the people. The sessions are made by the people speaking at them. I got so much out of sessions that I wouldn't necessarily have picked for the topic, like Blogging Autism and Fashion Blogging, because I picked them for the speakers.
The Eyerolls
I had a long eyeroll section, but basically, it all boils down to, FOR ME, too many brands, too much stuff. But there are people who like all that stuff and blog about products. For me, next time, I think I would skip the Expo Hall and most of the swag.
There were also brands that held events during the conference and took large numbers of people away from the speakers and sessions, and that is crappy. Especially during the Keynote sessions. I met quite a few people who said they were too busy to go to any sessions. For me, that was the best part.
I have one more post... sort of inspired by BlogHer, but not really even about BlogHer. And maybe I'll chicken out and not even post it.
But after that, I'm back to the usual summertime hilarity. (As in, GOOD GOD isn't it time for school to start yet?)
Taken out the window of a bus in Times Square, especially for Shout, my Dora fan.
It's been 4 days since I got home from BlogHer, and I can't seem to string a coherent sentence together. I had a half-written post that vanished into the ethernet.
I'm not sure I can fully process the experience. I went with very few expectations since I had never been before. There were some amazing, empowering, extremely moving moments, some starstruck fangirl moments and some moments where I had to work hard to contain my eyeroll. But many more of the first two than the last one.
Is it worth it? Absolutely. Would I go again? Most definitely. Although next year's conference is in San Diego and as I sit here waiting for my mechanic to call to tell me how much it's going to cost to get our car running again and I contemplate whether having two working cars means I'll have to skip registering for my class this semester... the thought of working a trip to San Diego into our budget seems quite impossible at this particular moment.
There are a few BlogHer recap posters who have nailed it. So much better than I could. For some reason, my brain is a tangle of words and thoughts that I cannot manage to arrange into anything that makes sense.
Karen, from Chookooloonks, captured the very essence of BlogHer in the photographs for her 1000 Faces project, in the Faces of BlogHer, parts one, two and three. If we could all just see ourselves through those eyes, then maybe we really WOULD know our power.
And finally, Jenny the Bloggess had me crying tears of hysterical laughter AT BlogHer, but she has me crying an entirely different kind of tears in this post, Red Dress, revisited. (Seriously, get your tissues.)
