Happy Memorial Day!

We have been busy having fun, swimming and eating delicious food with friends. I don't have much to say because we're off to do more of the same. But, Assignment 1 is up over at the Letter Project. Check it out.

And my latest post at DC Metro Moms is up... I've hatched a plan to recover some of my lost coolness. I'd love to know what you think.

And, if you don't want to check either of those links out, I IMPLORE you to check out the Pioneer Woman's Coming Home project in honor of Memorial Day. It is moving.

debut

Announcing my new project!! The Letter Project. 52 weeks... 52 letters. Head on over and see what it's all about.

swept away

I checked my archives to see the last week of May last year was as crazy as THIS year. And in fact, yes. It was. Except, I think this one is even more crazy because now that Tide is in middle school, he has FINALS. He's a pretty independent kid, but I like to study for tests with him. (Partially because I like learning what he's learning and mostly because I think it helps teach him study skills. So our nights have been busy with studying.)

It's Spirit Week again, which means multiple trips to Value Village. It was also Maryland Day in 4th grade. Bounce had to dress up like Clara Barton. (Trips to 2 different Value Villages.) And write a report and give a presentation. And then there was the report and presentation Tide had to do... I can't even remember the topic now... that was 5 whole days ago. There are ceremonies and picnics and teacher gifts and camping trips and concerts, and OH. MY. GAH. can we just end it all already!?!?!

(I know, I know.) Check with me again 2 weeks into summer vacation.

Next week, we have more exams, travel hockey begins (did anyone think that hockey was a WINTER sport? I know I did... isn't it JUNE next week???), swim team begins (although shhhh.... I'm not mentioning that to Bounce and maybe she will forget...) I'm still trying to coordinate camps for the summer and vacation plans and do a little work on the side when the opportunity comes along.

Shout has 2 more mornings of school left. I am co-oping for one of them and I have to get a mammogram during the other. My mornings of bliss are gone until next September. *sigh* (Because co-oping + mammogram = not bliss.) But my mornings of SLEEPING IN are just about to begin. (search for that silver lining people... it's IN there)

I am working on a few new projects that I am really excited about. One of them will be launching shortly. It's a group effort by some fabulous people. I'll let you know when it goes live.

The other one is launching Sunday!! This one is all me. (Because I didn't have enough going on in my life, right?) I'm excited and I hope you will help me spread the word. (You know, after I tell you what the word IS and all...)

they're nothing if not creative

After taking our crib down (which shockingly was almost 2 years ago to the day, although it seems like just last week), we stuck it in the attic. I couldn't bear to just donate it or toss it out.

We picked it out after many agonizing circuits around the baby furniture store, me waddling, of course. A local celebrity was there at the same time with his waddling wife. We talked sports on our laps around the showroom. (Ironically, we now see them on baseball fields and basketball courts as our first kids are almost exactly the same age and play against each other frequently. Isn't that weird?)

But, after reading this article in the Washington Post over the weekend, about how drop side cribs are basically death traps, I decided it was time to throw it out. We can't pass it on or donate it, and I'd never put any eventual grandbabies in it... deathtrap that it is.

So we put it on the curb Saturday afternoon.

And within minutes, the kids on the street were circling on their bikes, trying to come up with a plan for its parts... in much the same way I circled that showroom more than 12 years ago.

It's been a prison.

A fort.

A ladder.

Here it is as a tent.



And a rickshaw. (One kid pulls the bike (which has no chain, you probably can't see that) by the legs of the crib.)

karma loves to bit.ch slap the whiner*

So remember my last post about hating to pick my kids up at school?

My cry to the universe was heard.

Yesterday when I went to pick up my kids at school, I got stuck in a traffic jam so horrific that for AN ENTIRE HOUR I was trapped inside my car, never more than a mile from my house.

My neighbor took pity on me and stuffed my kids in her car and took them home for me. Except they couldn't get inside when they got home because I? Was still stuck in traffic just trying to get back.

So I missed the loud and annoying ride home in the car, for one glorious day. But my payment was sitting in nearly parked traffic for an hour.

I'm not sure it was a fair trade.

I don't think I ever updated on everyone's school status for next year.

The upshot is... everyone is staying put.

The tuition situation at the big kids school has worked out, at least for us, and at least for next year. I don't know if that is true for the long-term and I hesitate a bit sending Cheer and Shout (eventually) there if they will have to switch some day in the future. But academically, it can't be beat. I think it's worth keeping them there as long as I can afford it. And? I feel like if I were to switch them, I would no longer have a voice and hopefully my voice can ensure that it remains affordable.

Bounce will stay there as well. She is having a less rocky time than earlier in the year. Some of her friendship issues have worked themselves out. She is more confident and happier. She even got straight A's last quarter. (As a result of that though, and inconclusive information from her teachers, our doctor is now recommending NOT medicating her for ADHD. Which frustrates me to no end. After hearing just SOME of what I hear about her antics in school, and seeing her antics at home, I can't imagine how we ended up with this conclusion, but for now, I am going to let it go. Her grades are good, the school year is almost over. We'll revisit again next fall.)

And of course, Shout is staying at her preschool and will be in the kindergarten class with all boys. More kids have signed up, and it's STILL all boys.

(*Turns out, when you use the phrase "bit.ch slap" in a blog title, it gets picked up by porn sites. Ooops. Hence the period.)

i have a teeny tiny confession to make, internet...

... I hate, hate, HATE picking my kids up from school. My heart is heavy and my feet are lead as I DRAG myself to the car to go pick them up... it's the drive of doom, for I know what is to come.

They are unquenchable vessels of bottomless need.

And when they all get in the car at the same time, after a day spent apart from me, after sitting up straight and paying attention and being forced to suffer such atrocities as BELTS and HARD SHOES and COLLARS all day, they are at their NEEDIEST.

At the same time, Shout realizes it's the end of her time as an only child for the day, and she protests the loss of my attention MIGHTILY.

Here's how it goes down in my car, before we even have the doors closed.

THEY ALL TALK AT ONCE, telling me every bit of the minutia of their day. And they KNOW I can't hear them all at once, so they keep talking louder and louder, trying to outtalk the others so that THEIRS is the single voice I hear.

It's deafening. (And more than a little discombobulating.)

I also confess, I need some level of calmness to be able to safely navigate my way out of the parking lot, past any pedestrians, school buses and other cars. Once I'm on a straightaway, I'm a little better able to handle deafening.

But then they start in on each other. Yelling at each other, mocking each other, teasing each other, THROWING THINGS AT EACH OTHER. Each slight is met with the screams of one child, and the hilarious laughing of the others.

Mans inhumanity to man. I can't freaking stand it.

When we get home, they pile out of the car, and despite the fact that there is a PLACE for everything - jackets, backpacks, lunchboxes - they drop everything in piles just inside the door such that we all trip over the mess. I tell them to pick it up and put it all away, but they are too busy tackling, yelling, torturing and chasing each other.

Then, they descend on me like a pack of starved wolves.

You'd think they don't eat at school. They need food and drink IMMEDIATELY. And some of them CRY AND WHINE if I take too long. By the time a snack is ready, those same ones have moved on and don't even eat it.

They are throwing pillows, swinging wiffle ball bats, roller blading in the living room or screaming for more toilet paper from the bathroom.

In 30 minutes, my house has gone from a quiet place of relaxing solitude to One Flew Over the Cookoo's Nest.

And I have to be honest. I HATE IT.

I wish I could pick up my kids one by one, have a chat with each on the drive home about their day... the funny, the unjust, the annoying. And then deposit each on a chair with a snack while I ran back to get the next one. (Although did I mention that all the construction on EVERY ROAD IN AMERICA RIGHT NOW, particularly the one I have to drive on to get to my kid's school makes for a stressful drive all by itself. So doing it 3 times over is not really a fantasy either.)

School will be over in just a few weeks, and while having them at home ALL. DAY. LONG. presents its own challenges, their neediness is spread out over many hours (many. many. many. hours), so I don't have to deal with it in concentrate form. THAT is something to look forward to.

karma loves to bitch slap the smug

I was standing in front of a neighbor's house on Saturday while they were having a yard sale and I noticed a booster seat among the things they were selling.

Any other year, I would have snatched that right up, because between two kids who need them and two cars, not to mention a preschool carpool where I need at least 3 and sometimes more, I can always use an extra booster seat.

But alas, Cheer is almost out of the height range for a booster seat. And our preschool carpool will be ending in just a few weeks (sniff... Shout will still be going there for kindergarten next year, but her buddies are moving to the local elementary school), so after 12 years of excessive carseat and booster seat acquisition, I think that door has finally closed.

I have all the booster seats I will ever need.

Everybody dance a little happy dance with me for a minute!

It's a little sad, but mostly not, as we have gone from locking clips, seatbelts, the latch system, washing covers of seats that have been peed, pooped and barfed on and then trying to figure out how to get them back on to just one little ole booster seat that is easily moved from car to car when necessary.

It's one more giant step away from the days of parenting littles to parenting bigs. A little wistful, for sure, but a step I am ready and happy to be taking.

So I must confess, I looked at that booster seat with the tiniest bit of smugness... smiling to myself that I don't need to spend money on expensive child toting equipment any more. (Which is good because now I get to spent a WHOLE! LOT! MORE! MONEY! on concussion preventing equipment... see my post about travel hockey.)

Get ready for the part where karma bitch slaps me...

So on Sunday, the younger 3 kids and I drove 2 hours away to join our cousins in the Delaware Buddy Walk, sponsored by the Down Syndrome Association of Delaware. It is a REALLY fun day with kiddies games, obstacle courses, moon bounces, and a half-mile walk.

On the way home, we stopped at McDonalds to get milkshakes.

And within 2 minutes, Shout had spilled her ENTIRE milkshake all over herself, the car, but mostly, her booster seat.

NOTE TO SELF: Never travel without a roll of paper towels in the car.

We had extra t-shirts from the walk, so I mopped up vanilla milkshake with those. Fortunately, JUST before we had left home, I had thought to throw some spare clothes for Shout into the car. And I actually had baby wipes.

But the booster seat? Unsalvageable.

There is milkshake in the inner recesses of that thing that I just can't get to. When you pick it up and turn it around, milkshake runs out of the seams in the plastic. And now, it has developed a distinct sour milk smell. Which I know will only get worse with the summer heat.

Ick.

Oh how I wish I had snatched up that $5 booster seat when I could have. Instead of smiling smugly about how close I am to being beyond it.

you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave

One of my mom's biggest fears is that she'll go to a doctor for something minor and he will find all kinds of things wrong and she'll walk out of the office way sicker than when she went in.

Unfortunately, that kind of attitude is sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Because she doesn't go to the doctor, things that could be minor health issues go untreated and can become much more serious.

Earlier this week, she had a gallbladder attack. She's had them before, but this one was excruciating. So she went to the ER thinking she'd had a quick laproscopic gallbladder removal and be out the door in no time.

They did finally let her out the door of the hospital (which she was calling the Hotel California), but she still has her gallbladder. And she also apparently has hepatitis, cirrhosis, diabetes, high blood pressure and a heart condition.

She totally predicted this - since my earliest memories. And I'm pretty sure she won't be going to the ER ever again.

a slice of life

I was driving Tide to hockey the other day. Everyone fell asleep in the car except Shout. For 15 minutes she told me everything she knows about bacteria. And can I say? She knows a freaking lot about bacteria.

The whole topic came up in the context of a toy horse she was pretending was eating his own poop. Ick. That's a four-year old for you. But still? She clearly has an in depth understanding of e.Coli. Or giardia, or some poop-borne bacteria. And *I* didn't teach it to her. And I'm pretty sure that wasn't covered in preschool.

So clearly? She's a genius. Right?

After the bacteria conversation, I was waiting at an intersection for a pedestrian to cross.

Shout said, "Just run over that stupid guy."

And I said, "We don't talk like that. And we don't use the word STUPID."

And she said, "Mooooo-ooom. We're GER-MAN."

And I said, "So?"

And she said, "So you know that means we hate everybody and fight everybody, right?"

So she's got microbiology and European history down. WHY, oh WHY doesn't she know her A, B, Cs?

blogging about blogging, part 3 of 3

(Sorry this is going up later than I had planned. We had a little family crisis that took over. More on that after I've had a whole bunch of some wine!)

So here is part 3 of my 3 part series on blogging. In part 1, I wrote about what I wanted to get out of blogging. In part 2, I wrote about what I DON'T want to get out of blogging.

Thanks for your comments! A special shout out to Anonymous from Day 1 for the compliment that made my day. Tracey also took up my Day 1 topic on her blog. And in case you missed it, Liz from Mom-101 wrote about blogs and brands yesterday. It's a good post and there is a great discussion going in the comments. Her take is one of a very successful blogger who also co-founded Cool Mom Picks. And she works in advertising.

So, on to today's topic which is:

Here's what bugs me about the blogging world:

No matter what, there's always an element of high school. There are people who have been blogging for years, they are good at it and have put in their time. They have big readerships, amazing PR opportunities and get paid good money writing for brands or commercial blogs. They are seniors. Not just seniors, but cheerleaders.

Sometimes they are friendly, sometimes they are not. I can completely understand having such a big readership, or lots of writing responsibilities (and kids, let's not forget!) that they are not able to or interested in mentoring their readers, or being your best friend just because you've been reading about their life for the past 5 years. (It's a weird relationship. But like high school, I can remember almost every person from my school who was older than me, but I can barely remember ANYONE who was younger than me.)

What I don't get though, is people who NEVER respond to emails, tweets or comments. I'm not asking you to follow me on Twitter, but I KNOW you see my tweets when I @ you. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, you need a Twitter tutorial.) I don't see any reason why people can't @ you back every now and then. Or to just reply "thanks" when they receive a complementary, non-stalkerish email about a post they've written. How hard is that? Or reply somewhere, somehow to a comment on a post. Not every single comment. But there are blogs I have left a comment on nearly every single post for YEARS that were never once acknowleged. Who are these people writing for? If you don't care about your readers, turn off your comments.

There are also underclassmen who are good at the Social Media Hustle. They network and tweet and Facebook and Friendfeed and after a month or two in the blogging world, they know EVERYBODY, and they are courted by PR reps, or they BECOME PR reps or they start some kind of amazing and successful business using their blog and social media. Seriously, I think that is AMAZING. I'm not knocking it. It's just totally not me. Maybe this is misplaced under the category of What Bugs Me. I'm not opposed to the Social Media Hustle, I just think it needs to be accompanied by some quality writing. Isn't that what this is all about?

Most of us fall somewhere in the underclassmen realm. There are seniors I admire and follow because they are some of the people who inspired me to start blogging to begin with. I have forged actual relationships with some of them. With others, I have not. I feel like one in a huge mass of their fans. I still read them, but I don't always comment the way I used to.

The blogging world is very much like the real world, in that some people are nice, some are not. Some people are friendly and welcoming. Others are not. The weird part of it is that often you know the innermost thoughts of the people whose blogs you read and you don't know that about most of your neighbors. There a sense of intimacy with people (and that is one of the things I LOVE about the blogging world... in real life, we rarely go so deep or have the time to choose our words so perfectly) - but although it seems like an intimate relationship to a reader, maybe it doesn't to the writer.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on that.

blogging about blogging part 2 of 3

Welcome back for part 2 of a 3 part series on blogging. You can read part 1 here.

Yesterday I talked about why I started blogging and extra benes I have found along the way.

Today I'm talking about where I DON'T want my blog to go:

Monetization.

I'm not looking to make a living off my blog. I have a tiny bit of advertising. I'm not opposed to adding more, although I honestly don't have enough traffic to make it worth any restrictions that might be imposed by an ad network. If I did, I would consider it.

I'm NOT interested in become primarily a PR vehicle for brands or products. (Not that there is anything wrong with those who do that, as long as they are completely transparent about it with their readers. It's just not my thing.)

I do get random emails about products. Would I try it, review it, give one away on my blog? I ignore most of them as they are completely irrelevent to me and you. If it's something I think would be a good fit, I consider it. Curious George, for example. Tickets to the zoo.

In general though, I don't like running giveaways or reviewing things. Just my own personal bias.

Sometimes (although not that often) I write about things I like. Usually they are things I bought myself and want to share with you. I have no connection to the product whatsoever, other than as a fellow consumer. Honestly, these are the types of reviews I trust the most. Occasionally, I will write about something I have been given (Wii Fit Plus, for example), but (as now required by the FTC) I will always tell you how I got the product. I've never been offered money to write about a product. I know there are people who do that. Personally, that's not what my blog is about.

One thing I hate is seeing a blog I loved turn into a giveaway, sponsored post, product placement bonanza. It's happened to more than a few blogs I used to read, and I'm sure, as a blogger gets popular, the siren song of those types of offers is hard to resist. But they're not for me.

I also hate reading a post and wondering whether or not it is a paid post. The new regulations require disclosure on the part of bloggers for things like this, but there have been more than a few times, even since those regulations went into effect, where I have read an entire post and wondered if the whole thing wasn't completely contrived in order to place a particular product in the story - which I assume the blogger is getting paid to write about. It totally erodes the blogger's credibility for me. (I'm not talking about when appropriate disclosure is made.)

So I won't write about a product for money (at least not here... I'm not opposed to freelancing elsewhere), but I also won't write for free. Although blogging operates in sort of the Wikipedia-free-organic-information model, I don't give away my writing for free.

Early on, one of my first PR pitches asked me to write about a product that is probably something you all would be interested in. But there was no sample of the product offered. And I wasn't going to write about something I had never tried. And I like to do nice things and make people happy. So I found myself about to drag a sick kid to the store to BUY A PRODUCT I HAD NEVER HEARD OF so I could then write a BLOG POST ABOUT IT.

For free.

Don't ever do this! It's ridiculous!

The people making the product were getting paid. The PR firm was certainly getting paid. I was going to write content for them that was going to help sell the product, FOR FREE. (Actually, worse. I was going to pay for the product and then write for free.)

I've learned a lot since then.

Mostly, if you want product reviews, this is not the blog. If you're a PR person, pitch me. But I'm pretty restrictive in what I would consider.

This space is about parenting and kids and finding myself amidst the chaos of mothering. Every now and then, I will talk about a product I love or something I think you would love. But it's mostly the story of things that can't be bought.*

What are your thoughts on monetizing blogs? On products and brands and PR?

* And again let me say, before I piss off a lot of people, I do read review blogs. I found many of my Christmas gifts on gifts guides from blogs. Before I buy a product, I usually do a blog search to see who has written about it. I'm not against that. I may even one day participate in such a blog (I do have ideas for other blogs swirling around in this foggy head of mine). It's just not where I want this particular blog to go.

blogging about blogging (trite, I know) part 1 of 3

This post ended up being so long, I made it into a 3 part series...

Lots of people have blogged about blogging. I never have before, mostly because blogging is so many different things to different people. And also, it sometimes takes me a long time to find my way through the fog, and I'm still not quite there, but I have a clearer picture of what I want blogging to be for me and the things that bug me about it.

Here's what I hoped to get from blogging when I first started:

I wanted a place to record and share our story. Some days it's funny. Some days, it's sad. I certainly don't have the answers to all your parenting questions. I can only share my stories of wandering through the fog with you. But it's nice to bump into other people wandering in the same fog. And swap a laugh or two.

Also, I wanted to re-sharpen my writing skills. Some of my blogging idols write such evocative posts that cut right to the heart of how parenting feels... I wanted to try that. I'll never be as good as some, but I feel like I continue to challenge myself. I often fuss over every word and phrase that I use. And even after I hit Publish, I re-read and revise until I make it as good as I can, or I run out of time. That, I think, is what I love the most. Stretching my brain in ways cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and driving carpools does not. I miss brain work.

I also wanted to create connections to people whose blogs I was reading and people who would eventually read mine. In some cases, I've done that. In others, that is a disappointment. (More on that in part 3.) I love finding the blogs of you all who read me. One of my big goals is to read them more regularly than I do now. I'm scattered when it comes to reading and commenting. I love comments here, but I don't get that many. Which is fine. I know there are a lot of you reading. I don't write for the comments so much - but I figure if what I'm writing is good enough, people will continue to read. I also don't obsess about my traffic. I did when I first started. But now, honestly, I check periodically to make sure you all are still out there. My readership has grown slowly and steadily. I don't necessarily have aspirations to hit the big time.

I am sometimes amazed to see blogs that have a HUGE number of followers and are not that old. Sometimes they are extremely well-written, and that is why they're so popular. Other times though, not so much. Their authors seem to be good at what I call the Social Media Hustle, something I just don't have the time or patience to care about. (again, more on that in part 3)

Things I have gotten along the way from blogging:

I have gotten to do some pretty cool things through blogging, like my conference call with Kristen Van Ogetrop. And having another book author comment on my blog. I have also gotten invited to some cool events like the launch of We Give Books . I've been to book parties and wine parties and other fun stuff.

Sometimes, I feel that I have a higher platform to have my opinion heard. And that is empowering.

I've also met a great group of local bloggers through DC Metro Moms. One of the things they say is important in blogging is to Find Your Tribe. There are times where I am still looking for part of my tribe... I crave more definition, do I want to be a humor blogger, a home blogger, strictly a parenting blogger?... I'm still figuring that out, but I have definitely found my local tribe with these fabulous writers.

So let's discuss... why did you start blogging? Have you gotten what you wanted? What else have you found?

douchebaggery will not be tolerated

My Mother's Day started out great. Breakfast in bed, checkers with Cheer. I played checkers with Cheer because he made me a Mother's Day booklet at school and on one page, he had to draw something he likes to do with me and he drew us playing checkers. And I had to weep a little because I'VE NEVER PLAYED CHECKERS WITH THE POOR KID. He had to pick his favorite thing to do with me and the ONLY THING he could think of was something WE'VE NEVER EVEN DONE. Gah. Middle Child Fail.

So I had him run right out and get the checkerboard and then I let him beat me. And then, after one game, I remembered why I never play checkers with my kids... it makes me want to stab my eyes out. It's like 1/2 step up from Chutes and Ladders. But he was happy. And that made me happy.



The second part of the day was filled with douchebaggery. I hesitate to even explain because I try not to say bad things about people I know on here, but GEEZ, some of the people I know are DOUCHEBAGS. Wow.

And they seriously ruined my Mother's Day.

Which almost made me run out and buy an iPhone, because MAN I REALLY WANT ONE, but we have Verizon for several complicated reasons that are non-negotiable, so the extra wireless charges are prohibitive. But after my Mother's Day descended into douchiness, I totally deserved one. Except then Laundry Dad would be stuck with the bill, and he was not one of the aforementioned douchebags, so I didn't want to penalize him. (But watch your step, Laundry Dad. The siren song of the iPhone gets louder every day. You should probably stay on my good side.)

I hope your Mother's Day was filled with handmade cards (depicting things you've actually DONE with your kids, even), macaroni necklaces, homemade refrigerator magnets and maybe even a dandelion corsage. That's what it's all about.

Douchbaggery has no place here.

(I bought the shoes in pink for myself for Mother's Day, because refrigerator magnets are nice, but every girl needs a little something pink for Mother's Day. Am I right? And then my mom bought me the very same shoes in blue. That must be where I got my excellent taste. Not an iPhone, but definitely nice.)

happy mother's day

Happy Mother's Day you fabulous moms, you! I hope you are getting a chance to put your feet up, if even for 5 minutes today.

Here's an hilarious video you can watch while you are toes up, to the tune of my girls' favorite song.



It's kind of ironic that my latest DC Metro Moms post, about making up parenting as I go along, is up today. And it has an update on Tide. Other kid updates are long overdue, but hopefully coming this week.

Ok, I'm back to watching HGTV and doing as little as possible. (I know, I know. Not much different from every other day, right?)

blasted

Ouch.

A whole year ago, my friend, Dee, gave me a gift certificate for a fancy microdermabrasion and glycolic peel from a plastic surgery practice. I was ridiculously excited (mostly because it would involve me going somewhere by myself AND the office was right near Stein Mart and what's not to love about that?)

I was a little worried that after the procedure, I wouldn't be in any shape to go out in public, with sheets of skin falling off my face, or chemical burns or horrible puss and scabs. (Did you all SEE that episode of Sex and the City? Where Samantha got a chemical peel the day of Carrie's book party?), so I figured I should hit Stein Mart first.

I had it all planned out. Except that the only appointment times are at 9:45AM when Stein Mart isn't open and 12:00 noon, which is right when I'm picking up a carpool. So scrap the Stein Mart component. At least I would have a relaxing morning to myself getting ten years, plus some sun damage sandblasted off my face, right?

Unless it happens to fall on a day when Bounce has a mysterious illness that strikes only at night and includes a high fever. She is COMPLETELY FINE all day long, but can't go to school due to the 24 hour fever rule.

So scrap the relaxing morning to myself component as well.

Let's just stick with the sandblasting ten years plus some sun damage part. And freckles. Would I finally be freckle-free after a whole childhood of wishing away my freckles? (I don't mind them anymore... much... but I wouldn't cry if they were sandblasted away. And while we're at it, there's a tiny skin tag under my eye there. And see that deep vertical trench between my eyes? WHAT IS THAT? Can we smooth that out too?)

As it turns out, there are different levels of both microdermabrasion and chemical peels. (I'm pretty sure Samantha had a high level one. And yes. I know it is FICTION.) Since I'd never had either before, we started off on the gentlest scale.

The dermabrasion machine goes up to 30, my setting was a 4. It felt kind of nice, actually. I had visions of an orbital sander going to town on my forehead. It was actually a little tube blowing some microscopic crystals onto my skin, while another loop of the tube sucked them back off. And supposedly dead skin. But not freckles. Or the tiny skin tag. (Sigh.)

Then came the glycolic acid. That can go up to 70% strength, I had 30%. (There are other acids that are stronger. Some require... wait for it... SEDATION. Something that burns your face so badly you need to be SEDATED? No thanks, sister!)

You know how hair color burns your scalp after a few minutes? That's how the glycolic acid felt. Or like a super strong astringent. (Remember Sea Breeze anyone?) But it was only on for 2 minutes. I can stand almost ANYTHING for 2 minutes. (Except whining.) (Although I wouldn't have passed up a xanax if it had been offered to me.) It sinks way down into your skin and promotes new growth and dead skin sloughage. My skin was red for a few minutes after, but by the time I left, it looked perfectly fine. Smoother and fresher, for sure. 10 years younger, meh... probably not.

What do you think?



BEFORE



24 HOURS AFTER

I KNOW. Let's not discuss my hair. It's on My List. And these are completely un-retouched photos. And NO MAKEUP. This is about as brave as I get. (Also? What is up with my eyebrows? It's like they belong to two completely different people. Next post: Laundry Mom Gets Her Eyebrows Waxed.)

Would I do it again? Sure. I have no idea how expensive it was. I'm guessing between $150-$250. I don't know that I would spend that kind of money though. (So if anyone out there wants to give me another FREE one....) I think to see serious results, you probably have to do it regularly. And you'd have to build up to higher levels of abrasion and glycolic acid strength. (HOLD the sedation though.)

On a relaxation scale, if you don't have a 9-year old with you who is doing her very best to annoy you and everyone else she comes into contact with, I would say it's up there with a facial. So if you just want to relax, a facial is cheaper.

But there is also the factor of sun damage and removing damaged skin layers. I'm SURE I have a lot of sun damage. I spent several summers lifeguarding at pools and beaches, and then just generally laying my lilly white Irish skin out in the blazing sun. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I'm not really sure what the potential medical benefits are. I'd have to research that, because I would definitely spend the money if it would help me avoid skin cancer.

On an anti-aging scale, I do feel like my face is a bit fresher. Certainly not 10-years younger. But I don't have a lot of wrinkles yet. (Other than the aforementioned divot. I'm pretty sure that getting rid of that would involve Botox or a filler or something. And honestly, I'm just not that vain. Yet. Although if I happened to find myself at a Botox party and was served a few lots of margaritas, I'm not saying I wouldn't try it. There's vanity in there somewhere. It just needs to be washed off with a little tequila.)

(After uploading the pictures, Wow. Yes! I do look better in the After picture. The lighting is for sure better. But my skin is more more even and refreshed looking. You think?)

relief

I finished my class. And... *drum roll*

I GOT AN A!

I'm totally shocked as I was pretty much riding an 88% average the entire time. I'm not looking a gift horse in the mouth though.

I keep thinking about how I'm going to have SO! MUCH! FREE! TIME! now. Because I really was studying a lot. But who am I kidding? Did I have a lot of free time before? Where has that time gone? It just vanished into the stratosphere.

I actually started keeping a list of things I would do once my exam was over. It started out like, buy party supplies, pull out spring uniforms. Then I started adding more lofty things like, get haircut, get pedicure.

Next thing you know, I have painting and redecorating entire rooms on my little ole To Do list. It would be nice, but it's not like I got a whole new life. I just don't have to stay up until 1AM studying for the next few months.

(It reminds me of the list I made before I took my first maternity leave. I wish I kept that thing - I would love to laugh my ass off about it now. I do clearly remember that it said WRITE BOOK on it. Write book! Ha. READ book might have been a manageable goal. How about, Take shower? And was there a list for my second maternity leave? Ha. By then I was down to, Keep everyone alive all day. And really, does it need to get more complicated than that?)

So, back to school... I enjoyed the subject matter (nutrition) but I didn't really enjoy the class. I feel like I learned a lot. In fact, it's kind of appalling how little I knew before, given that I'm in charge of feeding six hungry people. Nutrition really should be one of those basic life skills classes that everyone takes in high school or college.

I did NOT like the online format of the class. This is the first one I've ever taken, so maybe they can be different, but basically, I feel like I taught myself the class by reading the textbook. That was all the information we had. I missed having lecture time and the ability to have class discussions.

Also, the instructor was disorganized, unresponsive and really more of an impediment to learning rather than a facilitator. That part sucked. This is my first class at my local community college (which admittedly does not have a great reputation). I'm going to try one more. If that one doesn't go well, I may be looking at switching to another school. That is frustrating. And possibly expensive.

As a result of the class, I am making a BIG effort to improve my eating habits (and those of the rest of the family, much to everyone's chagrin).

So I started logging my daily food intake into Sparkpeople.com. Have you all ever tried this? You can track your food, including calories, fat and any other nutrient you want to keep track of, like calcium or something. You can track your exercise and set goals. You can even keep track of how much water you're drinking.

I'm not one to really be OCD about keeping track of things (other than my kids, and seriously, I'm marginal at that on a good day), but you would be shocked if you did it. For the first few days, I'm not really changing my eating habits. Just trying to see where I'm starting from. And can I just say, I put a lot of thoughtless and unnecessary calories in my mouth. Holy crap.

I've decided there are two things that are most frequently the cause of me being unhappy. My body and my house. So hopefully I'll see some improvements in No. 1. And an update on No. 2 is still to come. (And things there are getting worse before they get better. Sigh.)

And back on the subject of all the free time I have now (like how I'm just wandering all over topics like a drunken sailor?), I hope to be writing here more often. I was looking back at my archives for the past few months. Meager and sucky. I'll be working on that.

For example, scootch on up to the edge of your seats... tomorrow, I'm going to tell you about the microdermabrasion and glycolic peel I had today. (I know, right?!) Whatever you do, do NOT do Google Images on those two things. Just don't. I'll show you my own pictures tomorrow.