just let me lie down

Is that not the best title ever? It's totally not mine. It's the title of the book that the Silicon Valley Moms Group is doing for our April book club.

Just Let Me Lie Down was written by Kristin van Ogtrop, the managing editor of Real Simple magazine. Which I imagine as being one of the coolest jobs on the planet. Kristin is also the mom of 3 boys, which is another of the coolest jobs on the planet. The book is a mostly tongue-in-cheek glossary about finding the time to do both of those jobs well.

It's funny and very fast reading.

As I've mentioned before, I've been pondering about my time as a SAHM. Waxing nostalgic about my time as a WOHM in a career I loved. And planning for a new career that will hopefully help me balance my family and a job I think I would love.

I don't regret choices I have made, but I often wonder how things would have turned out if I had taken another path. What if I had stayed in my job? What if I could have found a great part-time solution? What if I had done consulting and contract work from home?

Reading Just Let Me Lie Down was like taking a trip to the land of What If. It's what my life might be like if I had stayed in the working world. Of course, I wouldn't be the managing editor of Real Simple magazine. Maybe more like Law Library Journal. (Not quite so exciting.)

So, here's the upshot: Life would be crazy. But you know what? Much of the craziness that Kristin describes in her house, exists in my house too. (More on that in a minute.)

She's conflicted, sometimes. But you know what? So am I. I NEVER feel like I am doing the absolute best job I possibly could. I don't bake homemade bread, I don't homeschool and our laundry is NEVER clean. And for some reason, I will never feel like I am the absolute best mother I should be unless I do those things. (And it ain't never gonna happen. So that little life disappointment is just my personal cross to bear.) But I can relate. I don't make every school awards assembly. Or every game my kids play in. Or turn in every form on time, or even check their homework every night. I just can't.

But in the end, she's happy. She loves her job. She's good at it. Her family runs the way it runs and it runs well and everyone is comfortable and it all somehow works. In the end, isn't that what matters? Why do we torture ourselves trying to live up to unrealistic ideals of who mothers are supposed to be?

One of the coolest things about this month's book club was that several of us got to have a conference call with Kristin. We talked about the fact that the craziness is found in all homes with kids, whether or not the mom works outside the home. And OMG, her kids have the same SOCK ISSUES my kids do, in that they wear out the heels of their socks just MOMENTS after putting them on AND they leave them lying ALL OVER THE HOUSE. You can literally walk into my house at any time of the day or night and pick up 20 socks in your first 10 steps in the door. It's so good to know we're not alone. (And perhaps Real Simple could road test kids socks for heel endurance.)

My very favorite passage of the book was a section called "Quest through the chaos, a.k.a. quest that leads straight to madness" which talks about getting a note home from school saying SOMETHING must be sent in THE NEXT DAY, and SOMETHING could be (as in Kristin's case) pictures of her child from "kindergarten through fifth grade along with any candid shots they had gathered over the years."

And she says, "OK, I thought, just kill me now. I might as well have been asked to fly to Egypt and dig up a pharaoh."

The day before I read this passage (I was reading while sitting at a college baseball game where Tide was lucky to be acting as batboy (although note to everyone, college baseball players use the F bomb a lot, especially when they are losing a game by 20 points, I'm just sayin'), it was windy and 45 degrees, Shout was assaulting the mascot who for some reason thought she was hilarous, and Bounce and Cheer were running around the stadium like maniacs, annoying everyone else there, and did I mention it was the LONGEST GAME IN COLLEGE BASEBALL HISTORY?? 4.5 hours? - totally unnecessary parenthetical just to show you a little slice of my crazy)... I found a note in Cheer's backpack saying "Your child is missing the following supplies: gluesticks, erasers. Please send them in by tomorrow."

I've been doing this school thing for 7 years now, you'd think I'd have it down. But I had a full-blown panic attack.

TOMORROW?

It was 5 o'clock, I was cooking dinner, it was pouring rain and my husband was not home. There was no way I was taking 4 kids out in the rain after dinner to buy gluesticks and erasers. A better mother would have that stuff on hand throughout the school year. In a neat and tidy cabinet marked "Extra School Supplies"... me, I had some dried up glue sticks at the bottom of the crayon drawer.

So the next morning, when Cheer announced he had a sore throat, it was totally not lost on me that it was my hall pass to an extension on the glue sticks. He stayed home. His sore throat miraculously cleared up as soon as it was apparent I wasn't going to change my mind about letting him stay home. And then we went school supply shopping.

You can see a round up of all the posts on Just Let Me Lie Down on DC Metro Moms.

read a book, give a book

All work studying and no play is turning me into a dull blogger. Throw in a nasty computer virus, a sore throat and two sick kids and I'm a grouchy, dull blogger. But all will be well in just a few days - my final exam is Friday.

But last week... ah... last week was a taste of what life is like on a great day.

I was invited by Mom Central to take part in a press event (at the National Press Club no less!) launching the WeGiveBooks.org website. Books, kids, computers, charity - what's not to love?

WeGiveBooks is a fabulous concept born of a partnership between The Pearson Foundation and The Penguin Group. It's kind of a cross between a Kindle for kids and Kiva, the charitable lending website.

You sign up (it's all free), pick a charity you would like to support - there are several charities listed and more to come, right now you can find projects from Los Angeles, South Africa, Haiti, Asia and more (including soon the DC Public School System).

Then pick a book and sit down with your kids and read the book on the site together. Some of my favorites are there: The Little Engine that Could, Spot, Corduroy, Ladybug Girl... and more. (With new books coming online every day.)

The kids think they are playing on the computer. You are reading them a book. It's a win-win. (iPhone app hopefully also coming soon.)

Then... get this... every time you read a book with your kids on the site, a book gets donated to the charity of your choice!

How cool is that?

Talk to your kids and tell them they are donating books. Let them help you pick the project your donation will go to. Then read away.

The site also has a lot of great extras like author interviews, updates on the projects, and the ability to form book groups where you can post comments to other members and even compete to see who reads the most books. (Not that I am the competive type, but if you want to start a group... you know, BRING IT.)

Honestly, I can't think of an easier and more fun way to be charitable.

I was very impressed by the panel presentation at the press event. Dr. Marvin Berkowitz, who is on the WeGiveBooks Advisory Council and is an expert on character education, presented the results of a very compelling study about raising future philanthropists by studying philanthropic teens and how they were parented.

(Some of the results: Talk to your kids about the volunteering/charity that you do. Explain the importance of giving to others. Set goals to achieve. Talk about how kids actions make other people feel. Pssssttt... have I mentioned WeGiveBooks.org?)

I do have to say though, the star of the panel was none other than Dave Barry.



THE.

DAVE.

BARRY.

MY IDOL!!

He talked about his method of parenting which involves embarrassing your children into good behavior, especially when they are in middle school and by picking them up at school in the Oscar Meyer Wienermobile if at all possible. I have to say, I can very much relate to that parenting style. Even if I don't have access to a Wienermobile. My very existence is apparently MORTIFYING to my preteens, who pretend they were spawned from some sort of spore or something.

True story, I walked into the event and immediately saw Susan (aka Whymommy), so I waved and the guy she was talking to turned around and held out his hand and said "Hi! I'm Dave Barry."

Starstruck, I responded with the very intelligent and witty reply, "I KNOW!!!" Duh.



I also had the joy of meeting Amy Tan (!!!) (get it?), the thrill of meeting Ridley Pearson (I'm so funny) and a slew of other local DC area bloggers that I am just to lazy pressed for time to link to.



As a gift from Mom Central, we were given tickets to see the Rock Bottom Remainders (comprised of Dave Barry, Amy Tan, Mitch Albom, Scott Turow, Roy Blount, Jr., Greg Iles, James McBride, Ridley Pearson, and Kathi Kamen Goldmark) at the 9:30 Club the next night.

I know, right? Me? The 9:30 Club?

Right after a very important preschool meeting, my friend Ro and I hopped in the minivan and headed down to the heart of coolness. (Actually, I jest. I swapped the minivan for the ever cooler Suburu station wagon. The one that is stuffed to the gills with Little League equipment. Even Ro was like "Wow. There are a LOT of baseballs in this car." It's ok if you're a little jealous. I know I'm cutting edge.)

The Rock Bottom Remainders were hilarious and pretty darn funkalicious. (How fair is it to the rest of us that not only can they write Pulitzer winning prose, they can also rock out the 9:30 Club? Me? My greatest skill is my pulled pork. Sigh.)

I don't often take part in events like this. This one caught my eye from the get go. All you have to do is say BOOKS FOR KIDS and you've pretty much hooked me. And after hearing more about WeGiveBooks and trying it for myself, I knew it was a project I would love to support.

Give it a try. (Wanna hear my secret - I have my bigger kids reading to my younger kids on WeGiveBooks. That gets them ALL out of my hair.)

Disclosure: I was invited to this event as part of a campaign by Mom Central on behalf of WeGiveBooks and received tickets to the Rock Bottom Remainders concert and a gift certificate. The opinions expressed are all mine.

I have SO MANY THINGS to say...

and barely a moment to write about them...

1. I kicked my 5Ks ASS!!!
   
   Ok, I'm totally overstating it, but I ran it. Or most of it. BUT I FINISHED! And I wasn't the last one, which was my only goal. It was hard as crap (especially in the beginning - it got easier the farther I got - which makes no sense whatsoever) but after I was done - PURE EXHILARATION!!
   
   My kids ran with me for the last block because they could see me coming from the finish line.
   
   Cheer, in classic Cheer fashion, talked non-stop "CanItelleveryoneIranthe5K?" "Huh?CanI?CanIMom?" "Isthisthe5K?" "AmIrunningthe5K?" "AmI?Huh?Huh?AmIMom?"
   
   Oh. My. God.
   
   And then there was Bounce. "BequietCheer" "Leavemomalone" "STOPTALKING"
   
   Then he's yelling at her. She's yelling back at him.
   
   I'm doing everything I can not to toss my cookies.
   
   I could barely breathe.
   
   I couldn't talk.
   
   I didn't have enough strength to reach over and put my hands over their mouths.
   
   So I did the only thing I could... I ran FASTER. I was the crazy woman at the finish line running away from her kids.
   
   (Next time, I'm going to have them meet me for the last mile. I'm sure it will help my time.)
   
   Next time, I said. There WILL be a next time. In June, in fact.
   
   Yep. I'm running another one.
   
   I know. I don't know me anymore either.



2. I took my test... holy CRAP it was hard. I had to know every single vitamin and mineral, what they do in the body, what foods they come from and how they interact with each other. I studied my ass off, as much as my mommy-addled little brain would let me.
   
   And I got a freaking B. Another B. Gah. I'm going to have my mother call this professor and TELL HER: "MY DAUGHTER IS NOT A B STUDENT."
   
   And I just learned yesterday that the syllabus for the course is all effed up incorrect and it actually ends in 10 days. So I have to finish a final, two quizzes and 4 assigments in the next 10 days.
   
   Gah. I'm not happy. But in 10 days it will all be over. And once my sucky grade is submitted, I can tell you what I REALLY thought about the class.



3. I've been doing some really cool stuff and haven't have time to blog about any of it. So as soon as possible, but maybe not for another 10 days because, see no. 2, I will tell you about meeting Rosalind Wiseman and Dave FREAKING Barry (!!!!). Seriously! I even have pictures.

scarce

I'll be scarce this week.

I'm playing catch up from spring break -- in the grocery, laundry, cleaning, yard work departments.

I have a test in my nutrition class, which is completely driving me bonkers but I hesitate to say anything here until I get my final grade. I have 3 more weeks to go.

And I'm running my ass off on Saturday morning. (Oh, how I wish that was literal.) I haven't run in 2 weeks due to various kids being off for spring break at different times. But even if I finish last (which is a distinct possibility), I will finish ahead of everyone who is still in bed, right? (Which is where I was last year. And may spend all the rest of Saturday. And Sunday.)

Tomorrow on the agenda, buying some running togs. (Are togs clothes? That's what I'm buying.) It's better to look good than to run good. (Or use English good.)

camp mom's declassified spring break survival guide

I'd have to say this Spring Break has been a little easier than all the others. For the most part.

Everyone has been sleeping in, except Cheer. (But if we leave some food in his cage and the TV remote handy, he can keep himself busy until we wake up.)

It's going to be a rude awakening Monday morning when we have to drag all our asses out of bed at daybreak. (Including Cheer. He's my lark, but only on days when there is no school. Go figure.)

We've had some fun, played a lot of checkers, watched some movies, enjoyed the gorgeous summer weather. Because it was summer here for a few days. Hot summer. Like Africa hot. Run for Alaska, because OMG Al Gore was RIGHT hot. Last night, the temperature dropped like 50 degrees. And now it's spring again. Wheee!

So I bought new running shoes yesterday. Some of my neighbors took a field trip to a running store in a nearby town where you run across some kind of gel pad and it creates an impression of your feet and tells you exactly kind of shoes you should buy. I missed the field trip because I was out buying a balloon for $15.99, money I should have just set on fire, as the balloon got popped with a fork just a few hours later.

SO ANYWAY.... my 5K is next week (O!M!G!) and since I've had my current running shoes since um... possibly college? I figured it was time for some new ones. Also? I am totally not ready to run this race, so any amount of money I can throw at the problem seems well worth it at this point. These shoes better increase my endurance by at LEAST $89 or 1.5K.

So I Googled "running store" and the town it is in. And two came up. One sounded familiar, so that's the one we went to. When we walked in, I could tell right away that it was the wrong one, because, hello? Where's the glorious gel padding I'm supposed to run barefoot on? But I hadn't written down the info for the other store and I don't have internet on my phone, because apparently I live in the LAST CENTURY (or the Golden Days, as Shout calls it), so I decided to go with the low-tech store I was at.

Which involved sitting down and putting my actual feet in various actual running shoes and then, you know, trotting around in them. So totally 1.0, right?

They had a treadmill in the store, so I could try them out in full-scale run mode.

Did I mention I had 4 kids with me, all of whom were UNABLE TO RESTRAIN themselves from putting their fingers on every moving part of the treadmill, risking amputation? Yeah. That was awesome. And, that I was wearing tight jeans that are bell-bottoms and too long and really not suitable for running in any way? And, that I had drunk like 6 cups of coffee that had all found their way to my bladder?

So as I am running on the treadmill, with my bell bottoms rolled up, trying not to pee, Shout says, "MOOOOOM! YOUR BOOBS ARE BOUNCING UP AND DOWN." I gave her that smile you give your kids when they start yelling inappropriate things about body parts in public. The one that says, "I don't know WHAT that child is babbling about, but PAY NO ATTENTION." While your eyes are shooting the "Shut up now or I'm putting you up for adoption" look.

(Shut up. EVERYBODY has that look. Don't they?)

So she said it again. Louder.

And then the salesman, who COULD have done the socially appropriate thing and IGNORED her, says to ME, huffing and puffing on the treadmill, "Did she just say what I think she said?"

And then I turned my hairy eyeball on him and said "Eyes on the SHOES, buddy."

And then I bought the shoes and got me, my boobs and the kids they fed, the hell out of there.

School starts again in 72 hours. I'll be waiting until after that to update my jogging bra collection.

Team WhyMommy's Virtual Science Fair

Today, Camp Mom is participating in the Team WhyMommy Virtual Science Fair, to show our love and support for Susan (WhyMommy) of Toddler Planet, who is having surgery today to combat a recurrence of inflammatory breast cancer.

You can read more about that here.

Whymommy is an astrophysicist, so Stimey decided to make this day all about science. And women and kids doing science together.


Here is Whymommy and I discussing cold fusion. Ok actually we were discussing wine.
We WERE talking about free radicals in the wine though. It was totally sciencey.

My love for science falls mostly in the medical/biological realm.

(My children's interests, on the other hand, fall mostly in the electronic realm.)



But I'm in charge today, so medical/biological it is!

I thought long and hard about what we could do for our science fair project. I thought back to biology projects I loved in school.

We could dissect something? A frog? A fetal pig?

But alas, you have to order those things ahead of time, and I hadn't done that. (I've been keeping my eyes out for roadkill though.)

Maybe we could type our blood!

That was fun. Except I KNEW there would be DRAMA if I had to stab each kid's finger until I drew blood. (And? Last week, Shout got a paper cut on her finger that bled, and bled, and bled and OMG the blood... which is now like her 4th symptom of having some sort of coagulation disorder (according to Dr. Google anyway), so I didn't want to risk her bleeding out for a science fair project, am I right? More freaking out on that topic in a future post.)

I could let them take out my appendix!

They did a practice run a few months ago that went really well. I'm almost sure they could handle it.

Except that would require creating a sterile field in MY HOUSE (you've BEEN to my house, right?) which is far beyond the capabilities of modern science. I'm certain there is MRSA lurking on my coffee table.

So I started thinking that a field trip might be a better idea for us. And there's a place I've always wanted to go...

The National Museum of Health and Medicine at Walter Reed Army Medical Center. Right up my wheelhouse, no?

So I told my loving offspring of the plans for the day.

And there was whining. The whining was in fact DEAFENING. You remember that my kids are cultural Neanderthals, right? And the thought of a museum makes them break out in hives whine?

It took some advanced coersion tactics on my part, but my skills in that area are well- honed. Eventually, we all set off with a thirst for science in our hearts.

And I must say, this is one of the best museums I've ever been to! (I will add, it was high on the gore factor, which my kids and I love. Just a warning.)

There was a display about Lincoln's assassination, including the bullet that killed him, shards of his skull and the bloody cuff from the doctor's jacket.



Much of the collection is about the development of battlefield medicine, which I found fascinating because so many of the advances in emergency medicine actually start on the front lines.

They have amputated bone pieces from the Civil War.



A display on facial reconstruction.



And an actual field hospital trauma bay from Balad, Iraq. (Seriously SO COOL.)



There was also a great video about the history of battlefield medicine.



Ok, well 50% of them are watching it anyway.

In addition to the military stuff, there was a whole section of the museum about fetal development with (GORE WARNING) actual skeletons from fetuses at every month of growth, some preserved fetuses with anatomical anomolies and what looked like a really great video. BUT the natives were restless at this point, so we decided to call it a successful trip before someone had to be carried out of the museum screaming. (Me.)

Did I mention, it was the most beautiful day EVER?


Pear trees in front of the museum. Where you park RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE BUILDING. Swoon.

We decided to hit up the cherry blossoms at the National Arboretum after a very non-sciency lunch at McDonalds.



Notice how there are no kids in this picture? That is because there were freakish numbers of carpenter bees SWARMING EVERYWHERE around the National Arboretum and my kids were SHRIEKING IN FEAR. I snapped this photo from the relative safety of the car. (Next science project... what is UP with carpenter bees?)



We did take a minute to say hello to the koi though. Because they're so cute.



Susan, the blogosphere isn't nearly big enough for all of us to say how much you inspire us. In so many realms. So this is just a small slice of our deep admiration. (Seriously. I actually contemplated letting my KIDS REMOVE AN ORGAN from me. I wouldn't do that for just anybody.)

Know that our thoughts and prayers are with you as you wage your own war. We are strong behind you.

more good friday follies

I took the kids to the Living Stations of the Cross earlier today. If you're not Catholic, the Stations of the Cross follow the story of Jesus from the time he takes up the cross to the time his body is laid in the tomb. The "living" version is usually done on Good Friday and is acted out, in our case, by 8th graders at our school.

There was a WHOLE LOT OF GRUMBLING from Tide about his interrupted plans for a lazy Spring Break, involving laying on the couch watching Sports Center and watering his Farmville crops for eleven days straight and how INHUMANE I am for FORCING him to come with me to CHURCH. But when faced with the possibility of having his spring hockey season cancelled with one phone call, he BEGRUDGINGLY (look it up, his picture is there) got dressed and came with us.

The whole thing lasted about 30 minutes. When we got in the car, Tide shut the door and said "THAT WAS TORTURE."

I took a deep breath and said "You know what is TORTURE??? ACTUALLY GETTING CRUCIFIED. You know what ISN'T TORTURE? Going to your cushy suburban church and watching teenagers ACT OUT the crucifixion."

Then he rolled his eyes so hard I though for SURE were going to end up in the ER at the Wilmer Eye Institute to get his pupils surgically removed from the top of his brain.

And then, from the back of the car, Bounce yelled out "I think we should crucify him so he can see what torture really is."

And Cheer, like the good little Catholic he is, yelled out "Crucify him! Crucify him!" which is a line from the readings on Palm Sunday.

And I thought he wasn't paying attention in church.

a good read for good friday

Last week, I started writing a post about Facebook that I didn't finish, but I accidentally hit PUBLISH and then I un-published it. But some of you saw it in your readers anyway.

Well, that piece morphed a bit while I was doing my "research" (ie, spending a few hours on Facebook. Shut up. That is SO research.)

It's up over at DC Metro Moms today.