what it's like inside my head

Messy. It's very, very messy in here.

I found out yesterday that my school plan for Shout for next year may very well be ... um ... not the plan anymore.

She will turn 5 in August. Techically old enough for kindergarten. But one of youngest in the class. And she still has areas of concern that we are working on. For example, she can't say her ABCs. She can only count to 9. And that is after working intensely for a YEAR.

But she is socially mature. She has a complex vocabulary. She has memorized some sight words. She can spell a few words and write her name and all her letters.

But given everything else going on with her, and the fact that she is tiny and that she will probably fall behind her peers socially when she gets close to middle school, we have been thinking of holding her back from kindergarten for a year.

But she needs some academic challenge to catch up. So her current preschool has a 1/2 day kindergarten. A kinder, gentler version of kindergarten. Taught by a fabulous teacher.

So that was the plan. A year of that, and then move on to all-day kindergarten after.

Except yesterday, I heard that Shout is the only girl in the class so far. The ONLY GIRL. There are still a few spots open, but I am worried. The class doesn't always fill up. This COULD be it.

Which? Um. No. Despite the fact that it's the perfect fit in almost every way, she would HAVE to have other girls to play with.

So I'm taking a hard look at identifying a Plan B.

One option is a pre-K class at the school where my big kids go. (And no, we STILL don't know what our tuition will be next year, and thus I don't know if my big kids will actually GO to that school next year.) But the kids who are signed up for that class seem VERY young to me. And I learned this that it's financially unfeasible for us.

Another option is kindergarten at the big kids school. Which is what I was hoping to delay. I think she would survive but not necessarily thrive. But the class size is small and there are 2 teachers.

Or there is kindergarten at the local public school. Where they would at least have services for her if she does have a learning disability. Except I'd have to get her testing to see. But that involves either spending several thousands of dollars or climbing the nearly-insurmountable mountain of the school system's office of special education. And the class sizes are much bigger. And I just don't know where exactly she will end up in the long run. Catholic school? Public school? I'd need a Magic 8 Ball to figure that out.

And can I say here, that I spent about 45 minutes thinking about where I wanted to go to college. I think I've taken 45 years off my life worrying about this, just this week.

Balance. Need some balance.