Thank you all for your word of kindness and wisdom on my last post. I appreciate them all. (And especially to Blythe and Manic Mommy who suggested just keeping Shout in the class with all boys, because Laundry Dad made the same suggestion and I scoffed at him, but you both made me re-think that, and although it's not ideal, it might be ok. She plays with her brothers just fine, but she IS very girly. Also, Blythe, your comment about syllabi made me laugh all day! I tried to email you but it didn't go through.)
Shout had kindergarten testing yesterday at the school where the big kids go. I'm not really sure what it consists of, some playtime, writing, drawing, cutting...
Of course I have my concerns.
When it was over, I wanted to chat with the kindergarten teacher for a second and as it turns out, she wanted to chat with me also.
She saw a few red flags. And I was surprised, but they were not the same red flags that I have. (For example, how did I never notice that among all the other things she can't do, my child cannot use scissors?) In the end, it wasn't that she didn't "PASS" but the teacher mentioned that it would be ok if she ended up spending 2 years in kindergarten.
I wanted to scream. I don't WANT her to spend 2 years in the same class. I just don't.
Honestly, I think deep down, I was hoping that teacher would come out and say "I don't know what you are worried about! She did great! She is totally ready for kindergarten!" and instead, I got the hard truth - that she is borderline. There are issues. She might NOT be ready. Truth that I already knew. But hearing someone else say it feels like a slap in the face.
When I was pregnant with her, I had a zillion doctors appointments, and although, all things considered, most of them were fairly positive, after every single one, I got in my car afterward and cried. It was just a constant reminder that things were not as they were supposed to be.
That's how I felt yesterday. It's just not how it was supposed to be.
But then, this morning, I was at the party store (because my Ladies Night is tomorrow night... woo!... and by the way, thanks for the words of wisdom on that too... I'm providing food and drink and a kid-free house, does it really matter if my curtains have no hems or there are Polly Pocket shoes in the couch cushions?)... anyway... back to the party store... I found myself in front of the Abby Cadabby birthday party stuff. And I immediately thought of Maddie because that's who I always think of when I see Abby Cadabby. And damn if it wasn't like the slap I needed upside the back of my head.
I GET TO WORRY ABOUT THIS.
I have the privilege of worrying about whether or not my kid should go to kindergarten.
That kid who they told me wouldn't live.
The kid who they told me might not go to a regular school.
The kid who we expected was always going to need special services.
Her.
She's SO CLOSE to being ready for kindergarten, that we're just not sure.
THAT is not just a miracle, it's a whole constellation of miracles.
For her, being almost ready for kindergarten is a TREMENDOUS achievement.
This is the kid who couldn't sit up until she was a year. Who couldn't walk until she was almost two. The kid who had 8 doctors following her from the day she was born.
SHE'S ALMOST READY FOR KINDERGARTEN!
But she's not. I'm ending all the wondering and worrying right here and saying She Is Not Ready. Wherever she goes next year, it will not be a full-day kindergarten. And that is totally fine. I don't know where I will put her, but I'll find something. And if she's in a class with all boys, we'll stick a tiara on her head and send her off to be Queen of the Boys.
And if she doesn't like being Queen, we'll find something else.
It's NOT exactly as it should be. It probably never will be.
I need to stop waiting for that day. It's not coming and it's ok.
What we have instead is so much better.
11 comments:
It seems like every year I face one of these major school decisions and they are so, so hard! I love your perspective, though!
I adore you Sue! What a great perspective.
I'm really out of the loop these days Sue, after so many years of homeschooling. I read your previous post and realized that when my boys were in kindergarten the things Shout could and couldn't do were typical of all kids starting kindergarten. However, I know it's changed alot.
One thing I know, they learn at different stages. I have one son that was a late reader, and then didn't show much interest in reading for a long time. He's 20 yo, and due to graduate from college with a B.A. in English in May. He's always got his nose in a book now. Go figure. I guess I'm just trying to say you're right, the miracles in Shout's life are wonderful, and don't worry about the rest.
Blessings,
Marcia
My youngest was held back this year in the 4th grade. Her BD is the first week of school...always. She was ready for kindergarten and first grade, but she's had a few problems ever since...seemed the concepts were harder for her each year. So we agreed with the school & held her back. And she was upset as her friends were going on...but we talked again last week and she understands...and it is easier this year for her....her big sister was held back in 5th grade..just didn't have a good grasp on certain things (like reading and math). Big sis graduates this year...accepted into her college of choice, Presidential scholarship that will pay for half of all 4 years & just last week invited to apply for the honors program...what a change in her!
And you know...sometimes our 'normal' isn't always someone else's!
Hugs
Susan
Great post! It's hard, it really is, but you're right, she will be okay and if she's not, then you'll find a place where she will be.
Also? I'm giving Quinn scissors tomorrow to see if he can cut. If not, I may be looking for that half day kindergarten option too. :)
I hear ya... yesterday was the 4th anniversary of my oldest son's stroke. I was tempted all day to succumb to self-pity about all the stuff we continue to deal with and how it's part of our lives daily and always will be. But you are absolutely right - things could have turned out a million times worse and all things considered, it's a blip.
I GET to worry about him.
Enough said.
Thank you for this post!
I started to get those goosebumps about halfway through your post. Your girl is unique and wonderful and getting farther than anyone said she would. She is your miracle.
We always want everything for our children. Congratulations for remembering she already has it.
I love this little internet coffee klatch of ours for reasons just such as this.
I was just ready to respond to your last post when I saw that there was this one above it. I'm glad that you were able to fall into a more placid mental place. I think it's really hard to have perspective on things that are so close to our hearts, especially when we had such hopes, and yet there's still so much in the air. It's hard enough when things are in flux, never mind when several of those things involve your kids!
I agree that it might still be wise to leave her in the half-day K class, at least for now. Public school can be enrolled in at any time, so there's no pressure there. I wouldn't put her somewhere where the kids seem to be too young, because I think in this situation it would be better for her to have kids whose abilities are higher than hers around, so she can learn from them AND the teacher. If there are a lot of children who are at her current level around, there's a lot less motivation for her to progress. You never know - another girl could show up, or even if one doesn't, she could still love it. Or, a month or so could go by, and she could hate it, and you could still take her out and put her in public school at any point.
As far as repeating K goes, there are a lot more kids doing that than you think. Public K is pretty rigorous, and I personally know several children who have repeated. I also know kids whose parents have held them out of school for a year out of concerns that they were too young or just not ready, so they were older when they started school. With either option, I haven't seen any social stigma at all. I don't know if they're just too young at that age to really think about it, or what, but it hasn't been a big deal.
If you do end up having her in an all-boy situation, maybe you could put her in an art class, or gymnastics class, where she would have the opportunity to spend more time with other girls? The thing is, girls are so weird sometimes, you could move her to a different school so she'd be with a girl, and then have the girls in that class be little shrews, and have her end up playing more with boys, anyway, because that's what she's used to.
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Thank you.
It's so amazing when the new fresh perspective hits you and takes all the angst away. Congratulations Mom, Shout will be proud all her life to have had u on her team.
Love this. We've struggled with kindergarten too, but for different reasons. It sounds like you're closer to getting things figured out, and that's awesome.
Nice work, Sue!
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