not calm, not bright, not yet

It's a marathon, people, and we are in the final miles.

It looks like tonight will be the Christmas All-Nighter '09! Some year, I'd love to do it without an all-nighter. But I really can't see how.

I'm not a long-range planner. I always crammed the night before my exams. Wrote my papers in final draft just hours before they were due. And now I am cramming a whole lot of Christmas preparation into these last 30 hours.

I have presents to wrap. A photo album to make. And 6-year check up for my er... almost 7-year old. Christmas Eve. WHAT was I thinking when I made that appointment? Do I make him get flu shots on Christmas Eve? Because seriously, since I am 360 days late for his 6-year check up, what are the odds that I'm actually going to come back for flu shots? Then, I have a grocery store run to make. Appetizer to assemble. Kids to dress. Church to attend. Family function to celebrate. Tree to stuff presents under. Stockings to fill.

And then... and then...

Ahhhh.... a steaming hot pot of coffee to make up for the fact that I haven't slept in 2 days.

Hope you are all hanging in there.

(photo from Country Living)

well-timed

It was really quite lovely. The news that a snowstorm was coming forced me to prune my extensive To Do list to the bare minimum and declare that my Christmas shopping was ALL DONE.

My cards arrived in the mail on Friday so I had something to keep me busy. I had already loaded up on groceries so we had plenty of milk, bread and toilet paper.

And then the snow fell. And fell. And fell. 20 inches in all, which is A LOT OF SNOW for us.

The kids went sledding, throwing snowballs, building forts. Hung in front of the fire at a friend's house. I wrote cards. Baked cookies. Called family. Wrapped a few gifts.

It was like a giant semicolon in place of the most insane weekend of the year.

A neighbor hosted a Fishes and Loaves party - bring what you have and hopefully it will be enough food. And there was PLENTY OF FOOD. And seriously? The things people have in their house during a snowstorm? Rack of lamb. Shrimp cocktail. I had butternut squash, so that's what I brought. And wine. There was lots of wine, so it was all good. I even got to have a conversation lasting longer than 45 seconds with Thrift Store Mama, because our kids were fairly contained and there were no large bodies of water nearby.

School is cancelled for today, and tomorrow is the last day before break, so I'm wondering if they will even bother. And I learned that I actually DO have some more Christmas shopping to do. (But the illusion of being done was nice while it lasted.)

I don't have any great photos, sadly, because I managed to leave my baby camera at Shout's preschool on Friday. I've gone to visit it from the nearest window, but the doors are locked and I can't get in to rescue it.

is it just me or is EVERYONE running around like a chicken with its head cut off?

Anyone busy out there?

Lordy!

Every day, I get in the car with a 40-foot long list of places I have to go. Insanity. And I keep a pencil behind my ear at all times because I am forgetting everything.

Teacher gifts? Oh crap.

Stocking stuffers, oy!

Shout? Argh. I got her a few things, but I sorta totally forgot to buy, you know, TOYS for her.

Of course, it didn't help that Cheer and Bounce were in a Christmas concert last night and had to wear "Christmas clothes." And by "Christmas clothes" Bounce means "cocktail party dress" and by "Christmas clothes," I mean, "fur trimmed, red velvet and plaid."

Apparently we are at the awkward in-between stage where pretty Christmas dresses are patently uncool, and your mother will not let you buy a cocktail party dress. Because she doesn't even have one.

I purchased no less than 5 different options (only because I totally screwed this up last year and felt guilty). None of them were satisfactory. I met up with a friend in the grocery store parking lot who brought all options from her daughter's closet. (It was like a secret spy-Christmas-dress-dead-drop-type-thing. It was so covert, my friend actually drove home from the grocery store WITHOUT putting her groceries in the car. Way to lose any tails!)

In the end, she wore the very first thing I bought, which was only marginally acceptable. And she stood in the back row where you couldn't see anything below her chin. (Gah.)

(Then my list for today included returning all the crap she DIDN'T wear. Except for the dress from the thrift store that I was able to pawn off on a neighbor.)

Today's list also included returning a coat for Tide to Marshalls. Because apparently coats are VERY DORKY. And a hoodie sweat shirt, although completely inadequate for keeping a person warm in 30 degree weather, is FAR cooler. And the only possible coat that MIGHT be considered cool would say Washington Capitals on it. Except the ENTIRE INTERNET is sold out of such a coat. And one from Marshalls with the same colors IS TOTALLY NOT THE SAME. (Gah.) And the one that's on it's way from Land's End is also TOTALLY NOT THE SAME.

Thank God, I got an email late last night that the internet elves have sewn ONE size medium Washington Capitals coat and it is allegedly on it's way here.

Too bad it's supposed to snow 12 inches tomorrow. That hoodie-sweatshirt-wearing kid is going to be mighty cold.

I ran myself ragged last week at the mall. I wanted to get Shout a fun and cool outfit. She's intrigued by the more teenagery stores like Aeropostale and Abercrombie. So I ventured in.

I AM NOT READY FOR THIS.

Those stores are dark. And smell like Axe. And are staffed by surly teenagers with their hair hanging in their eyes. And all the clothes are sweats. Overpriced sweats. And Bounce, who is a skinny 9-year old, would be a size MEDIUM. Which is crazy, right? I mean, what is a normal sized 15 year old on that scale? XXXL. Nice message we are sending there.

I have to admit, I had a panic attack.

I rushed back into the mall and went straight to The Children's Place. Where I stood, petting the fleece footy pajamas and muttering, "There's no place like home. There's no place like home."

I hope Bounce doesn't think she's too old for footie pajamas.

(photo NOT MY HOUSE from Country Living)

scratch

Long before this blog existed, when we only had 3 kids, Laundry Dad and I privately called them Itchy, Bitchy and Twitchy. I won't say who was whom. When Shout came along, we couldn't think of a rhyming name. We knew she would be small, so we called her Wee. Itchy, Bitchy, Twitchy and Wee.

We have to change Wee's name.

She's still small, but now she is SO. VERY. ITCHY.

A few weeks ago, a rug that I had been coveting at Target went on sale. The rug at the end of my bed was disintegrating and I bought this white, shag, fluffy area rug to replace it.

Shout came home from school and ran across it in her bare feet to admire it.

Three minutes later she was covered in hives.

I'll spare you the gory details. My gorgeous rug is gone, the floors have been vacuumed and mopped. Clothes and bedding and people have been washed. And the hives just keep on coming.

It's like her histimines are on a hair-trigger. We've gone through a bottle and a half of Benedryl. We've seen two doctors. We're trying Zyrtec now. And still, she wakes up in the middle of the night, scratching herself bloody.

Itchy, Itchy, Bitchy and Twitchy.

I miss Wee.

what is the opposite of metrosexual?

So internet, what do you do when you have a husband who works in a very casual office environment (I'm talking a step above pajamas here) and needs to attend a semi-formal function with very little notice?

For example, suppose your husband and his co-workers were in the right place at the right time and did something that SAVED SOMEONE'S LIFE? Doing what hopefully anyone would have done, but they just happened to be the ones who did it. (If you are going to die suddenly, you might actually want to be in a roomful of engineers. They may have social issues, but they do know how to problem solve.)

And what if, perchance, the administrator of the VERY LARGE GOVERNMENT AGENCY your husband works for hears the story and wants to give your husband an Award of Bravery? And what if they are flying very important people from this large agency in from around the country to attend the awards ceremony?

So the usual office attire of Levis and Nikes is not going to cut it.

And then, imagine if pretty much everything else in your husband's closet either has the name of a college emblazoned across it, or has a Dockers tag. (Except for that suit he bought 10 years ago for a wedding that has now been devoured by moths because it hasn't been worn in, oh, say 10 years.)


Go Flyers!

And did I mention, we had about 2 days to find suitable clothes for this event? So ordering online was pretty much out of the question. Because I would normally go to Land's End or L.L. Bean.

Fashion emergency!

Where is Carson Kressley when I need him?


credit

What is a guy to do? Not that much, actually, because his wife is in charge of fashion.

If a woman had this problem, she could pull a Sharon Stone and wear a Gap t-shirt and maybe pair it with a really striking statement necklace. Or, in a pinch, she could pull something semi-fabulous together from the aisles of Target.


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The statement necklace really wasn't going to work in this situation. (And would probably be obscured by those geeky security badges said husband has to wear.) And I tried Target. It's not nearly as fun in the men's section as it is in the ladies' section.

Here is what we did (should you ever find yourself in such a situation).

Shop the closet.

We actually found, DEEP in the closet, a pair of pants that, although they were Dockers, were part of a nicer line than your typical khakis. I can't find them online (they are probably 10 years old too) but they are charcoal grey, cuffed and look like wool (but are actually cotton).


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Go with a sport coat.

I looked online for a sport coat that would work with the pants. It had to have a pattern because it would never actually match the pants. I was searching for something tweed-ish, but no leather patches on the elbows. Something like this


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I found a few. Our local mall is extremely limited (no Eddie Bauer, Joseph A. Bank, Banana Republic or J. Crew) and we didn't really have time to go anywhere else. So we were basically looking at J.C. Penney and Macy's.

I found exactly what I was looking for on J.C. Penney website. And I could even check the inventory at my local store. Unfortunately, they didn't have his size. But a quick scan of the sale rack at Macy's found exactly what we needed. And on sale! Which is good, because this blazer will probably get eaten by moths before it's worn again too.

Or at least, I kind of hope so, because the only other thing I can think of that he might need it for is a funeral. So the moths can have it!

(Speaking of funerals... let's avoid them by CHECKING YOUR SMOKE DETECTOR BATTERIES! Did you do it yet? I'm serious!)

dreams are the mind's way of working out stress - a story in three parts

Part 1

We've taken to calling Cheer, Johnny Holliday, who is actually a local radio personality. But we are referring to his ardent love of all things festive. He is counting down the hours until we get our Christmas tree, he's been playing with the nutcrackers and snowglobes and Santas since I got them out last weekend. A week earlier than I had planned because I couldn't stand his begging any longer.

He even talked me into buying one of those inflatable lawn decorations at a yard sale. A life-sized igloo and two penguins who pop out of it and sink back down. Awesome. Have I mentioned I'm not really an inflatable lawn ornament kinda gal?

But the look on his face when we brought it home and plugged it in was worth $25 and a few weeks of tacky. (No offense to you inflatable lawn ornament fans.)

Three nights ago, Cheer appeared at my bedside in the middle of the night. Sobbing. We scooted over to make a spot for him as he told us the tale of his nightmare.

Nutcrackers. Chasing him.

Honestly, I couldn't stop laughing.

Part 2

Two nights ago, I dreamt that we only had 37 cents in our checking account. (Did I mention that this Friday is Big Shop Day, where I do almost all of my Christmas shopping in one day? And spend more money on that one day than I spend for the next 6 months?)

Part 3

Last night, I fell asleep on the couch while trying to avoid the dishes, laundry and general cleaning up. At midnight, Shout woke up screaming FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! :-( I can only imagine what the dreams of my friends and their children have been like.

Hoping for a stress-free couple of weeks ahead.

P.S. It's not dream related, but I must tell this here. The kids were talking about getting bunk beds the other day and I was saying that the girls can't have bunk beds and Shout asks, "When will Bounce stop moonwalking?"

photo from Coastal Living

serious business - long but worth it

This is one of those hard posts to write.

Last night, at this exact time, my friends and neighbors, E & D's house was burning down. They have three small children.



Everyone was sound asleep, and THANK GOD the sound of a smoke detector woke D up and he got everyone, including the dog, up and out of the house with no injuries.

Just moments later, the entire house was engulfed in flames. They lost everything. But they are alive thanks to a smoke detector.

Stop reading right now and go check the batteries on your smoke detectors.

I am totally serious. Go ahead. I'll wait.

We still don't know what caused the fire, but this time of year is a DANGEROUS one for house fires.

The combination of candles, Christmas decorations, space heaters... is deadly. I was thrilled to be asked by Underwriters Laboratories this season to spread the word about their Safety at Home program. (And yes, this was in the works before my friends' house caught on fire... that is a freaky and sad coincidence.)

UL has been testing and certifying electrical products for safety since 1894. Every single lamp, appliance and extension cord in your house should have the UL certification mark on it somewhere.



The Safety at Home website has lots of excellent information. Including a safety quiz, which I was very cocky about while taking. And can I just say? I didn't know as much as I thought I did. And I bet you don't either. There are also videos from Keri Russell, their spokesperson. Which makes me, like, one degree of separation from her, right? Cuz, I LOVE her.

You can even enter the Bright Holiday Moments contest for a prize package worth $10,000. Just share your brightest holiday moment, in story, picture or video. And try to beat me, because I already entered!

My last list may have been a bit controversial. But there's no arguing with this one.

UL's ten safety tips for the holiday season:

1. Water, water, water your live tree: Dry trees pose a fire risk. Make a fresh cut on the base before putting your tree into a sturdy stand and water it frequently.



2. Check your lights, check them twice: Inspect all of your electric lights and decorations for damage or wear. Cracked sockets, frayed or bare wires and loose connections may pose a fire or shock hazard.



3. Plan your fire escape: Use the holidays as a good time to plan and practice a fire escape plan with your loved ones. Identify at least two exits from every room in the house, and have a safe meeting place away from your home. (You better believe we did a lot of talking about this today at my house.)



4. Sleep safe by installing carbon monoxide alarms: Be sure that a carbon monoxide alarm is installed outside all sleeping areas in your home.



5. Limit plug-in toys to the big kids: It’s not safe to give a small child a toy or product that needs to be plugged into an electrical outlet due to possible burns or electric shock.



6. Give wrapping paper a second life: Don’t burn used wrapping paper as it may cause intense flash fires. And throwing it out adds waste. Consider recycling or repurposing it instead.



7. Know your lights and cords: Do not connect more than three miniature light strings together. Also, be sure to check the rating on your extension cords, and do not plug in more than the recommended wattage. This one is huge. THREE strands of lights together. That's it. And don't be plugging multiple extension cords together to have more outlets.



8. Steer your tree clear: Your tree should be positioned at least three feet away from fireplaces, radiators and other heat sources. It should also not block any doorways or exits.



9. Decorate with a safe eye: Cords should not be run under carpets or tacked up with metal nails or staples. Small decorations can be choking hazards so keep them out of the reach of toddlers.



10. Look for UL! A green UL label on a string of lights means indoor usage only. A red label can be used indoors or outdoors. If something you are plugging in doesn't have a UL symbol on it, don't use it.

As a gift to my readers, UL is providing five (YES, FIVE!) wreath-making craft kits as a giveaway for Laundry readers. They look so fun - you can see more pictures on the Safety at Home flickrstream. (I need to get myself a flickrstream. EVERYBODY has one.)



I am also giving away a brand-new set of UL approved holiday lights too! SIX PRIZES! Seriously, how can you not win something?!

Leave me a comment and make SURE I can reach you (some Blogger profiles are private and I can't access them!). Tell me what kind of lights are on your tree. White, colored, blinky, non-blinky. I'm a white, non-blinky kind of girl, but we were planning on upgrading to LED lights this year, and I might just get crazy and get colored blinky lights. The kids will be thrilled.

(Contest ends Saturday December 12 at 5pm, when I will be decorating my freshly cut Christmas tree with no more than 3 strands of lights hooked together.)

Be safe, internet. And I am SERIOUS... if you didn't go check your smoke detectors when I just told you to, do it before you go to bed. Don't pull those covers up until you know you, your family, your dog, your bonzai trees, whatever you got, is safe.

(Fire picture from WUSA9. That IS their actual house. Other photos from the Safety at Home flickrstream.)

10 things I don't want to see in your holiday letter - updated!

I actually like holiday letters. Many of my friends are far-flung and I never get to see or otherwise communicate with them, except for the annual holiday letter. Without them, I'd have no idea how old their kids are or what they like to do. I wouldn't otherwise know that they actually came to DC on a vacation and never called me. Or that they've gotten bifocals, breast implants or a new house.

Facebook will probably kill the holiday letter, since people from every. single. nook. and. cranny. of your life are now privy to your activities on a moment by moment basis.

So enjoy those letters while you still can. However, there are some things that I really DON'T want to read about.

1. Your kid's GPA. You can say he made honor roll, was valedictorian, is doing really well in school. That's great - be proud! The actual 4.275 GPA? Well that's just bragging.



2. Anything about ANYONE'S intestines. Yours, the kids, grandpa's. Seriously. "Health problems" will cover it just fine. This includes graphic descriptions of potty training. Unless it's hilarous. And not just hilarious to you.



3. Same thing goes for prostates, cervixes (cervixi?), Fallopian tubes, uteri.



4. The gory details of your labor and delivery. I don't mind reading it if you want to send me an email or put it on your blog, but it totally kills the moment when printed on snowman paper.



5. The square footage of your new house or the acreage on which it stands. I have taken to using a shoe horn to get my kids inside our house, I don't CARE if your new home is 8,000 square feet. And have fun mowing those 4 acres of lawn come springtime!



6. The fact that your 12-year old is reading Larousse's Gastronomique. Or that she is a Francophile. Or an Anglophile. Or any other kind of phile. (You think I made this one up, don't you?)*



7. That you completed an Ironman. Ok, if you REALLY DID complete an Ironman, go ahead and put it in, but you better temper it with a self-deprecating comment and it MAY NOT be about poop before, during or after SAID IRONMAN. (See no. 2 above.)



8. No more than 2 paragraphs about vacations. I get one letter every year that is two pages of vacation travel. I'm not sure if these people have jobs because, seriously, they go on 20 or more vacations every year. And write about every. single. one. (And some of them involve traveling to Ironman events. I kid you not.)



9. Excruciating details about extended family or friends that we do not know. I have no idea who your Uncle Quagmaire is and I don't want to read all the private jokes from your family reunion that are meant for your triplet half-cousins on your mother's father's side. If you just can't contain yourself, send a separate letter to people who know what the hell you are talking about.



10. Political diatribe. I like a rousing political debate as much as the next person (as long as, in the end, you agree that I AM RIGHT... because I AM). But if you HATE the President, have strong opinions on stem-cell research, don't care if uninsurable people ever get health insurance, write to your Congress-person. If you want to say you are proud to be an American, or where you were during the Inauguration (for example, in the bathroom of a sports bar), go right ahead.

My recommendations for a GOOD holiday letter?

Be concise. You don't have to go week by week through your entire year.

Make it funny. Letters that make me chuckle stand out among the masses of ones we get. Make fun of yourself. Those are especially funny.

Make it upbeat. Sad things happen - of course include them. But the overall letter should be upbeat.

Bonus points for creativity. We get one letter every year that is written in haiku. Another that is written from the point of view of the family dog. (Late breaking addition to this paragraph!) Stimey just emailed me one of her pet peeves, Letters written all in 3rd person. WHO IS WRITING THE LETTER? Unless you are using the family dog idea or have a professional ghost writer, there should be an "I" in your letter. That being said, I had a funny feeling and went back and looked at my letter from last year, and GAH! I totally did that. Even though I totally HATE that. So, see? We're all learning something here today at the Laundromat.

When in doubt, throw in a lot of pictures. You can't go wrong with good pictures. (And close ups are best, unless you are showing the Eiffel Tower in the background or all the masses of people from your Ironman competition.)

Now get writing.

* Actual items from an actual pompous, over-the-top Christmas letter to an anonymous relative that really should be published on the internet for all to read, except that I'm afraid of internet karma.

(photo from Country Living)

i've got that joy joy joy joy

Merry! Happy! Festive! Joy!

If I say it enough, I will feel it, right? Instead of the chest-thumping panic I always feel between Thanksgiving and Christmas?

Today, I scrubbed my bathroom partially because it was really dirty and partially because the smell of bleach and the serious elbow-grease I had to use relieved some stress.

And? The bathroom is small enough that I can spend a morning in there and it is REALLY clean. The rest of the house? Not so much.

And can I just recommend? Stand on a chair inside your shower sometime. You will be horrified. I was especially horrified because I don't have my glasses on when I shower and am basically as blind as a bat. Stand on a chair AND put on your glasses.

*shudder*

I'm TRYING to get into the spirit of Christmas, while not letting the preparations for Christmas crush my very soul.

The first thing I did was put into motion everything I needed to get my cards made. So hopefully I will actually mail them before Valentine's Day this year.

And I totally avoided the clusterfeck disaster of me trying to get all my kids in clean and respectable clothing, looking at the camera and not scowling. This year, we had a professional do the dirty work. And can I say? He earned his money.

Tiffany, of Mira Greetings, makes my cards for me. She is all kinds of awesome. Click to embiggen.



And? Eminently affordable. $15 for a pre-made design from her Etsy shop. $17 for a custom design. She can give you a quote for printing, or you can print yourself somewhere else. I do my little Christmas letter blurb on the back and print it all at Vistaprint. And I do my best to make it as non-annoying as possible. Because some of those letters are ANNOYING. Tomorrow you can read all about my tips for Christmas letters.

(This post was sponsored and/or paid for by no one. Just sharing some of my best tips.)

(top photo from Country Living)

if it wasn't for blogging, i'd have NO social life

So in the past few weeks, I got out to go to Loralee's birthday party



(photo from Loralee's blog, you can go there and read Scary Mommy's guest post about our fun, which I've been meaning to link you to for a few weeks and just haven't gotten to it).

And then I went to the Kirtsy book party, which I keep waiting for someone to post photos of, because it was held in a really cool venue. (Correction! I just found Laurie's pictures right here. Check them out. Hopefully she won't mind if I give you a teaser...)


Isn't it cool? All lofty and industrial and urban.
The kind of places people I know used to live in before they had kids and moved to the suburbs.


Here's me engrossed in the book. I was trying to read it all cover to cover AT the party, and then I wouldn't have to buy a copy! Apparently that is bad form at a book party. No seriously, it's an awesome book. You need your own copy. There's recipes and stuff. Really.

And because I KNOW the masses want to know, my sparkly sweater is from Marshalls, pants from the clearance rack at Macy's. That shiny triangle at my boob there is actually a fun black clutch from Steve Madden and not some part of my foundation garments showing through. Tank by Calvin Klein and necklace by Target. You can't see my super cute shoes I got just for the occassion, by Aerosoles also at Marshalls.
Label-obsessed, I KNOW.

SO ANYWAY (I have more pictures to steal and need to move on...)

Stimey invited me to a Nintendo Wii Fit Plus Party that was a few days later. I had read reviews for Wii Fit over the summer and hoped to buy one, but saw that a new version was coming out to deal with some of the clunky features of the first one. So I added it to my Christmas list.

This would be a great way to check it out and learn how to use it, right?!

So Stimey's party was held in another really cool venue and Nintendo did an amazing job of setting it all up. See the Buddas and candles under all the tables? (Pictures stolen from Stimey.)



Fun people were there.



(I got to see PunditMom and Whymommy twice in a week!)

There was fancy food.



And wine.

Security was tight.



People were dying to get in.



I don't know who these people are, but they were clearly not on The List because although they kept looking in the windows beseechingly, they did not get past the door.

Sorry, dudes. Those are just the kind of parties I get invited to.



At the end of the party, as they were about to drag me off the balance board wrap up, our wonderful Nintendo/Brand About Town hosts came out with boxes and boxes of Wii Fit Plus-es!!

For EVERYONE!

Yes! We EACH got our own Wii Fit Plus!! (Laundry Dad so lucked out on Christmas shopping.)



And? A Wii Fit Plus workout jacket!

When Stimey invites you to a party, you MUST go! (And? If you are not on the list, you WON'T get in! ;-) )

I've been Wii Fit Plussing ever since. (In fact, I considered giving up blogging so that I would have more time for my Wii, but my kids have also discovered the fun of the balance board, so I still have time to pound out the occassional post.)

If you are thinking of getting one, I recommend it. It's FUN! The workouts are good. (That being said, I am quite out of shape. If you are an Ironwoman, you'd need to ask someone else if it's an intense enough workout. Me? I break into a sweat just carrying the laundry up from the basement. Which is why I do that as infrequently as possible.) There are lots of games, including an awesome Segway-riding one. I'm pretty sure I would kill myself, or someone else, if I rode an actual Segway, so this is close enough for me.

Stimey will be having a Wii Fit Plus giveaway on her review blog Things. and Stuff. soon. Stalk her for an opportunity to win.

And so when's the next party? Anyone? Because the playdates and the carpool line and the grocery shopping? It's all fun, but a girl needs a little glamour in her life, am I right?