karma... yeah, you know what she is

Laundry Dad has been traveling a lot. It pretty much stinks, but I have been consoling myself with the fact that while he was gone, I was going to do a few wee home projects of which he may not entirely be a fan.

Like painting a whole wall in my kitchen with chalkboard paint. Like this.



From Melanie at My Sweet Savannah. (Love HER!) Is that not totally fun?


And distressing the bricks around my fireplace. Like this.



From Lori at White Flower Farm House. (Also LOVE!) And? It's just a few bricks around my fireplace. So nothing on this grand of a scale. But she's got the instructions. And I've already bought the paint.

But apparently, karma is against my nefarious plan and pro keeping my husband happy. During his last trip, I could but merely lie on the couch with a nearly 104 degree fever. I was definitely not up for painting that week.

He was traveling again this week, but for some reason, every single teacher in my kids' school decided to give tests this week. For 3 kids, that makes ELEVEN tests. (On top of other homework.) It was insane. I decided to use my free mornings to decrapify and make things a little more peaceful around here. Because ELEVEN tests? Is not peaceful.

So I spent two entire days purging one little corner of my living room. It looks good, but at this rate, I won't EVER FINISH DECRAPIFYING. And the only thing that keeps me going on the decrapifying front, is that SOMEDAY I WILL FINISH. So I'm still working, but I am much discouraged. I didn't even START to tackle the rooms that are REALLY IN DIRE NEED.

So after a bit of decrapifying and running errands today, I felt the need to get SOMETHING, ANYTHING done in the home improvement realm. So, with 15 minutes before I had to go get my carpool, I hauled my coffee table outside and spraypainted it Navajo White. I like the color. But, my lack of any surface prep (which is kind of my trademark), caused some big problems. (Karma, baby. I'm telling you.) In the way of furniture polish UNDER the paint, which caused it to bead up and look all funky. AND I didn't buy ENOUGH paint, so I have to go back to Home Depot tomorrow and get some sandpaper, to do my surface prep POST painting and then paint some more. After I show my ID to the huffing police.

Pictures will follow. IF I get it to look right. And if I don't, I will be buying a new coffee table. And this one will count as a decrapification project.

monster

For the past several weeks, Shout, who was formerly the cutest 4-year old on the planet, lovey and helpful, cuddly and kind, has been gradually morphing into a monster.

It started before I got the measles, but got much worse that week, as she had very little attention or time out of the house. (Did I mention it was pouring rain most of that time too?)

Anyway, she is a completely different child than the one I knew and loved a few months ago. I know am pretty sure my old Shout will be back, but from experience, I know it may be awhile.

In the meantime, she's doing her best to demoralize me.

She HATES, DETESTS, LOATHES going to pick up the big kids at school in the afternoon. It is a battle every. single. day. I've been bribing, cajoling, strong-arming. It's exhausting. Finally, last week, she had enough. She figured out how to unbuckle her carseat, jumped out of the seat and in fact RIGHT OUT OF THE VAN.

Un-freaking-believeable.

I re-buckled her 4 more times in the span of 2 blocks. Finally, I just had to drive because I was going to be late for pickup.

It's horrifying. I'm using my elbow trying to keep her from climbing into the front seat and grabbing the steering wheel.

See? I TOLD you. MONSTER.

So, today, she pulled the same trick again, thinking she would exasperate and outsmart me. I meant to put a roll of duct tape in my car, but I had forgotten.

I pulled over. Strapped her back in her seat. Reached under the driver's seat for something, ANYTHING, and found a charger for a Nintendo DS.

Perfect.

I took it and I tied her hands together.

Oh yes I did.

She was SHOCKED. And I think I may have solved our problem. Or, at least, THIS problem.

overheard

It took me the longest time to figure out that "OH:" on Twitter means "overheard" - so if you didn't already know that, you're welcome.

Cheer (mGuy): How did Billy Mays die?

Bounce (mGal): He took drugs.

Cheer: What?

Me: DRUGS.

Shout (Little One): Cheer. Millie Bays took drugs that made him die.

I MISS Millie Bays.

Cheer: SHOUT. It's BILLY MAYS.

Shout: Mom. Who's Billy Mays?

things I have learned in the past week

If you are feeling like you are coming down with some major illness and your husband is heading out the door with a fully-packed suitcase, GRAB ON TO HIS LEG AND DO NOT LET HIM LEAVE.

Childhood vaccines do wear off.

Other things have all the same symptoms as the flu.

For example... MEASLES.

Except? The symptoms can be a million times more intense than the flu.

Body aches? Try ribbons of shredded glass running through your bones.

Chills? Fever? Try rapid cycling between teeth-loosening chatters and sweat drenching through your clothes every 15 minutes. (Then try not doing any laundry for a week and having to wear some of those clothes again. Ew.)

You can spend a lot of time wearing a medical mask and dousing your hands in antibacterial gel to practice good infection control techniques. But your kids will not catch MEASLES from you, because their vaccinations are, you know, STILL WORKING.

You can get dehydrated, even when you are drinking your body weight in water. (see above re sweating)

You can lose 5 pounds in 3 days if you eat absolutely nothing. And sweat. A lot.

Your intestines will not like you if you eat absolutely nothing for 3 days.

They also will not like it when you decide to eat again. Even if it is only crackers.

Intestines are just never happy.

Lamaze breathing did nothing during labor. It also does nothing during the sleepless nights of painful, nausea-filled illness, but you will do it anyway.

You do not want to leave your life in the hands of a bunch of kids under 12. They are good for fetching a bottle of water or two, but they will be so busy trashing the house and videotaping each others butts that they will not care if you are hovering just on this side of the Great Crossing Over Point. (melodrama)

Four frozen sticks of butter turns into a very large spreading pool of melted butter when microwaved, which can quickly cover most surfaces in a kitchen.

Chocolate chip cookies made without nearly enough butter do not look or taste right.

You MUST learn to accept help when offered. Otherwise, your kids might starve. Or you will pass out. There are no awards for valor. Lay your ass on the couch and let someone else drive the preschool carpool.

There is something to be said for polygamy. Actually, you will see a strong, strong case for it. What do you need when your husband is out of town and you are sicker than you have ever been before? A coupla wives to take care of you, your kids and keep the house clean. It makes perfect sense. (And I'm even fever-free now.) It would get crowded in your little house, so you'd need to spread out somewhere... like a ranch... you see how you get there? It's really not that far of a leap at all, is it?

When you finally give up and decide to call your mom to come and get you and take you somewhere, ANYWHERE in the presence of a medical professional, she will be taking a nap and will not answer the phone.

A four-year old can kick your shin so hard, a huge varicose vein can appear. You will worry for hours that this is a blood clot which is actually what will kill you instead of the flu measles, but it will not.

There is no word to describe the state of a house after a week of having 4 (sometimes 5) kids have free reign.

Measles can turn into pneumonia.

When your doctor writes you prescriptions for cough medicine with codeine and antibiotics, TAKE THE PAPER OPTION and don't ask for the electronic submission to the pharmacy. (Ok, I learned that one a couple weeks ago.)

Codeine is some good shit. You may be seen on Intervention soon.

You can strip away coffee, wine, tequila and the will to access the internet - all things you may think are your very definition, and yet, you will continue to exist.

There is nothing better than finally having enough energy to spend most of the day upright.

Your husband totally owes you a spa weekend.

for my DC area readers

Sorry for the late notice on this. I am SLOWLY crawling out of the hell-hole of the flu, but tonight at 7:30(!) there is a seminar at the Washington Waldorf School that looks really good.

Kim John Payne, a Waldorf educator and psychologist, is speaking about her new book, SIMPLICITY PARENTING, a book about how kids today are surrounded by too much —- too much stuff, too many choices, too much information, and way too much to do. The book is about simplifying daily life, about removing the excesses that can scatter a child’s attention and burden their spirits; about how to establish rhythms and rituals that provide security for kids and a sense of calm at home. (Sounds awesome.)


Washington Waldorf School

4800 Sangamore Rd
Bethesda, MD 20816-3500
(301) 229-6107

I'm also going to be reviewing the book AND attacking some of our own serious LACK of SIMPLICITY issues here in the coming weeks. (Nothing like letting the kids run wild for a week while I am laid up to realize how WAAAAY TOOOO MAAAAANY TOOOOYS we have.)

tuckered

This is the sickest I think I have ever been. I'm assuming it's some variety of flu. Yesterday, I rested a lot and was ok-ish to do the things I needed to do. Today, I can barely get out of bed.

The thought of a nasal swab makes me gag, I probably wouldn't take Tamiflu anyway and I think I missed the window of opportunity.

Thank GOD I'm not changing diapers any more. Anyone know how long this will last?

tucked in

Here I sit, wrapped up in blankets and surrounded by pillows in my bed. Hot coffee, remote and laptop all beside me. HGTV blaring.

I'm having a sick day.

Remember back in the days before kids when you'd call in for that occassional sick day when technically, you weren't actually sick? Maybe you were up half the night doing something fun, or maybe you were stressed out, or maybe you were planning your wedding and needed a wee bit of extra time? (Note to future employers: Not that *I* ever did any of those things, I just heard about people who did.)

But once you had kids, the meaning of sick days completely changed. If you are working, it probably means your kid is sick. And working or not, if MOM is sick, well, the show must go on.

But for an hour or so here, I can afford the luxury of pampering myself. Too bad I feel so crappy, I'm not really enjoying it. There is a 20 lb. weight on my chest, I'm hacking until I gag, and I'm rapid-cycling between chills and sweats.

And once this cup of coffee is gone, I have to haul myself out of bed and run to the grocery store and Target. We're out of waffles and milk. And Shout has no long PANTS, and oh my, it's chilly here today. And then she has gymnastics and I have to track down a hockey mouth guard from somewhere. And then the big kids get home from school and the whole homework/dinner/bedtime extravaganza begins.

However, I hereby declare that I will give myself a sick day once a year, when I'm not actually sick. I'll fluff up my pillows, charge my laptop, brew some coffee and spend the morning toes up. Doesn't that sound nice?

did you see nie?

(Photo from Oprah.com)

Did you watch Nie this week on Oprah? Wasn't she radiant? She was inspiring before her accident, now, she's transforming. She is stunningly beautiful, inside and out. (If you don't know who Nie is, read this.)

Her story still makes me cry. Her life is so hard now, and yet, she is even more grateful for her simple, family-oriented life than she was before. (Here is a little more of the show on YouTube, but I'm not sure how long this link will stay active.)

The whole segment is not online, although I DVR'ed it and I think I can put it on a disk and possibly get it onto my computer from there and email it to you, if you missed it. (Although I'm not positive about that, but I'm going to tinker with it this weekend.)

But here is a part of the segment where a stay-at-home mom had written to Oprah about being burnt out and bored with life at home full-time. Oprah sent her to spend the day with Stephanie. And she watched her struggle to do basic tasks like make lunches and bathe her kids, but realized that THESE are the very things to live for. These are the things we take for granted.

In what the The Nester so aptly called one of Oprah's finest moments, "she called the boring, routine everyday things that moms do 'sacred.' And those sacred mundane things are part of what NieNie said motivated her to live."

After a long and stressful week of homework, homework, homework, and cooking, then cleaning up, then cooking again and OhMyGoshYouGuysAreHungryAGAIN? - I was DEFINITELY not appreciating the sacred in my life. It called for a big attitude adjustment. And some re-aligning of perspective.

I am still totally stressed about the homework situation. (Five hours last night for Tide!) Both older kids had multiple BIG tests this week and needed my help studying. There are projects and oral reports. And at least 8000 math problems. Even Cheer's homework, my little first grader, is stressing me OUT. He has a social studies test in a week and a half and we've already received a study guide, chapter outline and the textbook, with a note to study a little bit each night until the test. Wha? This is FIRST GRADE, not COLLEGE. I've never had to study with a first grader. I need like three other adults here to help me with this stuff. And Laundry Dad will not be here to help me next week.

I've actually contemplated whether or not homeschooling would be easier. Yes, ME. HOMESCHOOLING. THAT'S how bad it is.

But I'm trying to keep it all in perspective and appreciate the sacred. I have kids who are eminently capable. I CAN sit and do homework with them. Ok, so we eat frozen pizza for dinner every night, but these ARE the things I am here for.

Just call us members of the Church of the Holy Homework. (Baptism by tequila.)

Tomorrow, I get a rare day off to attend a Turner Syndrome conference. I'm going to spend FOUR HOURS in the car BY MYSELF. And go talk to ADULTS and stuff.

THAT is sacred too.

i can't EVEN believe i'm saying this, but how many more days of school left?

I have a secret to tell you, internets.

I am not a patient enough person for this job.

My well of patience is completely tapped. There is nothing left to give. The overwhelming volume of 6th grade homework, which includes pre-algebra (which? OhMyGodIRememberHowVeryMuchIHatedThisStuff) and 4th grade homework with the kid with the attention span of a gnat (no, actually, not EVEN a gnat, because a gnat can be a very persistent creature when it is divebombing your head, which I'm guessing must require SOME basic level of attention) -- it is KILLING ME.

There is really a limit to the number of times I can say "SIT DOWN AND DO YOUR HOMEWORK" in one day. It's in the 10s of thousands, but that's it. After that, I just can't say it anymore.

GAAAAAAAAH.

Then there's Cheer. First grade homework isn't bad, but uh, he can't READ yet, so I have to sit right there and do it with him. Which is what the mom of a first grader SHOULD do, unless that mom has completely lost her mind trying to re-teach herself pre-algebra on Wikipedia, assist in writing a letter to a celebrity completely comprised of sentences with an indirect object. (WTF? Go ahead and try that one. I dare you. Especially if SOMEONE has chosen Michael Jackson as the recipient of said letter.) And if she has said "SIT DOWN AND DO YOUR HOMEWORK 9,286 times in the past two hours. And if she has a 4-year old who doesn't HAVE any homework but can't STAND the fact that everyone else is getting SO! MUCH! ATTENTION! so she has to use extreme diversionary tactics to get a little face time. Involving spraypaint. Or mud. Or a hose and an open window. Or scribbling on very expensive text books. Or EXTREEEEEEME WHIIIIIINING.

Now throw in an afterschool activity or FOUR, when suddenly, in the midst of all this chaos, we have to drop everything, at least one kid has to don an outfit which may or may not be clean, and we have to jump in the car and dash off to a field or meeting room or gymnasium or ice rink.

Oh, and don't forget making dinner in there. Or, actually NOT making dinner. Because the very SECOND you get up from the table to go turn on the oven, the gnat kid with the attention-span issues will slink away and you will find her 3 blocks away. With the 4-year old and a can of spray paint. (You think I'm kidding, don't you?) And, the 6th grader will begin to sob because he just spent 7 hours in school and he has 3 hours of homework ahead of him and he is TIRED because his mother let him set up a Facebook account and he stayed up too late playing Mafia Wars. And? Wouldn't it be nice to just GO OUTSIDE for an hour or so, except DEAR GOD NO, because then we'll be up until midnight with this nonsense.

So frozen pizza for one more night won't kill anyone, right? RIGHT?

On top of all this, the SHIFT key on my laptop is on the fritz and it is beyond annoying to have to slam it down to type in CAPS, although perhaps this is the laptop's way of telling me I've moved beyond the occassional CAPITAL WORD and should just HIT THE CAPS LOCK KEY FROM HERE ON OUT. BECAUSE YES. CAPS LOCK IS LOOKING ABOUT RIGHT TO ME THESE DAYS.

And?

AND? The other night, I read that even 2 alcoholic drinks per day for women is too many and can cause liver damage. SERIOUSLY???? Now I have to worry about THIS? You know how many drinks men can have in a day without any worry of liver damage? THREE! And can I ask you, how many MEN are sitting at home helping their kids with their homework each afternoon? And how many WOMEN?

SO WHO NEEDS THE ALCOHOL? WHO???? YES, ME. THAT'S WHO. I wonder if I can have half my liver taken out now and then transplant it back later after my kids are in college their 30s.

Quick someone, pass me a margarita.

(addendum... I installed this handy-dandy new widget called A Link Within that looks for similar posts from my blog and puts them down THERE (points down) for your reading pleasure. And this is how I discovered that I wrote almost this SAME EXACT POST last year, on October 9. Hopefully it's an October thing and we'll all find our groove here.)

elsewhere

Nope. This is not my house.

The saga of Greta the Psycho GPS continues today over at DC Metro Moms. This time, she led me not to my destination (big surprise) but to some soul-searching.

And now, back to my spray painting.

thrifty treasures

I mentioned in my spraypainting post that I got some great finds at a yard sale recently. You've got to see.



This table. It needs a little lot of love. But I think a light green distressed finish would be nice. I'm not sure I really NEED a table like this. If you notice, there is a radiator cover right there that could hold those lovely little items. IF that radiator cover was not normally cluttered with mail and magazines. (Which were removed for this photograph.)

I'll refinish the table for sure, but I may sell it afterward. (Which I think may be my new business plan. Or, actually, my ONLY business plan, because I never had an old one. Unless you count the Starbucks Truck idea, like an ice cream truck, but for grownups!)

ANYWAY, I digress.

I got this pretty red book on the table too. I like the color, but I LOVE the title.





Although, in my case, I normally feed my friends Dominos Pizza. I could slap that title page on a pizza box. Not nearly as charming. (Did I mention how I dropped an ENTIRE BOX of Dominos pizza down my basement stairs last week. No? That was because I couldn't stop crying until THIS week.)

I digresss. AGAIN.

You also saw this before, but I like it so much, I'm going to repeat it.



Which now looks like this



And YES! They do still have Tiger Beat magazine! Shaun Cassidy is no longer in it, but Nick Jonas is. (Or whoever the cute one is?)

I found a few more treasures at the library book store (the BEST secret for cheap vintage and antique books. Seriously, $1!) but I don't have pictures yet.

I DID get to have coffee with this gal today, who somehow finds energy to entertain her toddler around the DC suburbs and write about it. So nice to share adult conversation, even if we DID talk about our kids a lot!

a cautionary craigslist tale

Ever since we moved here, I have hated this sink.


Laundry Dad took this picture. He has never heard of STAGING blog photos.

I'm not sure exactly WHY my hatred runs so deep. It's not hideous, it's just meh. It doesn't look as old as the other fixtures in the bathroom... it's square shape is too modern for me. It's in a small bathroom that the kids share. (I have a really NICE (but also small) bathroom elsewhere.)

But the thing that REALLY annoyed me about it, is that the edges of the sink were sloped so you couldn't put your toothbrush or toothpaste on the side unless you anchored it behind the faucet, because otherwise it would fall right into the basin. The only flat part was right in between the faucet and the handles.


Although his lack of staging illustrates my messy point.

Nobody's toothbrushes fit in this thing anymore. Right?



The faucet was some strange, non-standard thing as well and it was always leaking and in need of repair. So a few weeks ago, Laundry Dad decided to replace the faucet.

And I joked, "While you're at it, why don't you replace the whole sink?" Next thing I knew, we were looking at sinks online. On a whim, I decided to check Craigslist and found a very nice, traditional-looking pedestal sink (from a swanky neighborhood) for $60, WITH the very cute faucet included.

We SO got it! Laundry Dad had to drive to said swanky neighborhood to disconnect it, but he brought it home that night and installed it. It was a little bigger than the previous sink. The kids weren't happy about that. But there was ACRES of FLAT, LEVEL real estate for toothbrushes, toothpaste and even a liquid soap dispenser.

*cue the chorus of angels*

(Note the lack of a photo here.)

But alas (there's ALWAYS an alas), the cute little faucets were weird. Instead of them both turning to the outside to turn on and the inside to turn off, they both turned counterclockwise to turn on, and clockwise to turn off.

What is up with that?

We lived with it for a week, but stuff like that REALLY bugs me. And Laundry Dad.

So he took the faucet stuff off, threw it out and the next day (after the trash had been picked up... this is an important detail) went to install a new one.

Except, dudes. That damn sink had some weird, non-standard size ISSUES and you can't BUY a faucet in the United States that will FIT IT. (And the only ones that did are now buried in garbage at the dump.)

Sixty dollars, down the non-standard freaking drain.

We lived with no sink for a week, kids brushing their teeth over the side of the bathtub (THAT was fun to clean!), then we ordered a similar looking sink, in an AMERICAN brand, but smaller. Because they didn't have the same size.

So now, the new one is installed, WITH faucets and it all works.



Except look closely.



This one is quite a bit smaller than the Craigslist one. It fits the little bathroom much better, but do you see ANY real estate for toothbrushes here? Basically none.

So we're back to where we started. Or even worse, because now you can't even fit them all behind the faucet.

But it looks pretty. And the handles turn the right way. That's worth something, right?