Eleven.

It has been ELEVEN years since I became a mother. You'd think I'd have the hang of it by now, but many days, especially with my oldest, I feel like a total rookie. Despite being the hardest job I will EVER have, it is the best. Individual days can be quite hard, but looking back over a year, like I am now - I see what an amazing gift it is to get to raise these kids.

Big Guy, you amaze me. I am actually astonished at the things you have mastered this year.

You chose your activities carefully and you master them. Unlike your mom, who tries anything and is mediocre at most, you excel at everything you do. You don't try everything, but when you do try something, you keep at it until you are the best you can be.

It was first obvious when you taught yourself the bones in the body. When you were THREE. After that, it was the planets. And their moons. And their orbits and rotational patterns. You knew it all. Later, it was baseball. You spent literallly YEARS in the front yard, throwing a wiffle ball up in the air and swinging at it to perfect your batting. Dads of older kids in the neighborhood would sometimes stop their cars to sit and watch your determination. Later, you moved on to pitching, and threw ball after ball after ball into a net, until you mastered that.

This year - it was the guitar. We bought you a guitar for your birthday last year and within a matter of weeks had taught yourself how to play Yankee Doodle. You took a few lessons and fiddled around, and a few weeks later, we discovered guitar-playing tutorials on YouTube. For any song you can think of. And, true to how you do things, you sit in front of the computer and watch the video over and over and over again until you have mastered the song. And it is absolutely remarkable. I am in awe of your skill and determination.

I used to worry about your future and what you would do when you grow up. I don't worry any more. Whatever you do, you will choose it carefully and you will work at it until you have mastered it. It will be something that requires precision, accuracy and a sharp mind, and you will be very, very good at it. No doubts.

I sometimes forget to appreciate the many things that you are good at... like the fact that you are the ONLY person in this house who gets up on time and gets yourself ready for school. You know where your stuff is. You are organized and plan ahead. You think and practice and work hard in school. And you are really, really good 95% of the time.

Instead, sometimes, I focus on the few things you need to work on - controlling your anger and not letting anxiety or exhaustion get the better of you. Showing compassion. I feel like you are a reflection on how good of a parent I am, so until you are perfect, I could never be the perfect parent. In reality, no one knows this better than you, I am far from the perfect parent. And there's really no chance that I will ever get there. So how I got such an accomplished, 95% well-behaved, thinking, understanding, hardworking young man as a son, I'll never know.

Happy Birthday, dude. I am proud of you.