To Beat A Dead Horse

mGuy spent the day yesterday with his girlfriend. Excuse me, his "best pal." It was her birthday and they had an extravaganza of park, pool, dinner and cake. And the two of them got to pick out big mylar horse-shaped balloons at the store.

When I picked him up after the festivities, he was running back and forth in the yard with his horse balloon trailing behind. You can guess what happened next. The balloon detached from the string and off it sailed. It wasn't super full, so it floated, just out of reach. Teasing us. I must say, it looked kind of cool against the darkening sky, slowly galloping into the sunset.

But mGuy was beside himself. He cried a thousand tears. No, ten thousand. His little heart was broken. I can relate - he felt like the fun day he had would be forever marred by the memory of his beloved balloon floating away. (And did I mention that he has enormous blue eyes with killer long lashes and when tears come pouring out I just have him extend his little pinky so I can dutifully wrap myself around it?)



Can you see what I mean? It's no wonder he's only 5 and he already has a girlfriend.

So I promised him we would go back to the store in the morning if he would shut up stop crying and get in the car. He got in the car, but he didn't stop crying the whole way home. (Did I mention it was well past his bedtime?)

So this morning, we headed up the road to the store to find another horse balloon. And behold, there it was. Of course, Little One was not going to be left out, so she picked a princess balloon and we bought them both. As we were driving back toward home, for some GODFORSAKEN reason, mGuy opened his window. Do you know what happens to a balloon when you open the window of a speeding moving car? (We do, because this has happened to us BEFORE.) The balloon gets sucked right out.

All was not lost. The stallion was nosing out the window and mGuy starts freaking out. And I am driving and I start freaking out. And I may or may not have had my cell phone in one hand at this point. In fact, I may or may not have been trying to send the Best Pal's mom a text message saying that all was well in the horse balloon department. (Not while I was driving, people. At the red lights. But I had to hold the phone open in between lights or it would erase what I had already typed.) That might be called counting your fillies chickens before they're hitched hatched.

Here I am, speeding down the road, steering wheel in one hand, cell phone in the other (I know, I know... never again), looking over my shoulder and trying to tell screaming mGuy to pull the horse back into the stable. But, being that he was screaming, he didn't hear me and decided to save the horse the only way he knew how. Which was to roll up the window. Except the head of the horse was outside the window.

Yep. You guessed it. That damn horse got decapitated.

(At this point, I may or may not have uttered an expletive. And perhaps started berating mGuy for not knowing that you don't roll up the window when your mylar horse balloon gets sucked halfway out. At this point, I realized how ridiculous I sounded, so I just had him extend his pinky so I could wrap myself around it. And yes, I closed my phone during this madness, so if you are reading this and wondering why you didn't get a text message from me, it's because it vaporized. And it wasn't true any more anyway. Sigh.)

We were now halfway home and closer to a party store that also sells mylar balloons. "Surely," I thought, "they would have the same mylar balloon supplier and have the same balloons there." I detoured off the main drag and drove to the party store. But, as only a Murphy could imagine, they do NOT have horse-shaped mylar balloons at the party store.

mGuy resumed crying and inexplicably started sucking his thumb. Something he gave up when he was oh... four months old.

I told him we would go back to the other store. (Can you hear me tightening myself around his pinky?)

And did I mention yet that all this occurred on a road where there is an 18,000 seat arena that is currently hosting three high school graduations a day? So, trying to drive anywhere in the next two weeks is fuhreaking impossible? No? I didn't mention?

We backtracked and went back to the first store. I told him that I wasn't sure he would be able to get the exact same balloon. We looked through the options. There were horses, but not THE horse. Those big baby blues started filling with tears again. But then, alas, we saw it... another one... just like the other one.

We got BACK in the checkout line to buy this one. I convinced Little One that she wasn't getting another balloon this time as hers was still safely in the car. She responded by running like FloJo. I had to leave mGuy and his horse in the checkout lane and run after Little One. This happened two more times before we were finally able to pay (again) for the horse. At this point, I may or may not have pinned Little One to the side of the checkstand with my knees.

We held onto the new horse like it was the Hope diamond on the way back to the car (again). When we got in, we reviewed the appropriate laws of physics that cause balloon suckage when a car window is opened.

Then we sat in traffic for 45 minutes to go the 3.5 miles home. We got there. Safely. With the horse. $17 later (not including gas, which was probably at least $25 after all that traffic) I have mended a broken heart. And that is priceless.